God, Give Me Even A Miscarriage: The Prayer Of Infertility.
I held a funeral for my baby that I will never get to carry…
About a week ago, I was in church when this woman shared her testimony of becoming a mother after 10 years of infertility.
“God, at least, give me a miscarriage,”
Crying into the microphone, the woman shared her prayer to God with us.
“Give me even a miscarriage. Let me at least know that I am a woman”
Ps: God gave her a child. Hence her testimony.
Just after my miscarriage, I nearly murdered a man. Yes, it is true.
I just sat there thinking- how utterly insensitive? How stupid, is this woman?
And God, I am sorry but as one who has experienced miscarriage, I cannot be nice about this.
- Were there women in the audience like me who had experienced miscarriage? Did we feel delighted that losing our baby was God’s way of telling us we were women?
- Were there women in the audience who were still weeping from last night’s or even that morning’s miscarriage?
Where did this woman get off on sharing this prayer?
I am a believer in- you can think whatever but you must not say everything you think.
READ: Africa’s Patriarchy Is Stupid.
I am a woman. The woman of course- a woman. Why is trivializing the pain of miscarriage a show of God’s fertility for womanhood?
Are consciously child-free women no more women?
I am a mother so maybe you can argue that I do not understand the pain of infertility. If you think it, so be it for you.
But, I cannot begin to tell you the pain of having my first experience with pregnancy ending with pain and blood… the pain of flushing down the bin and drain, papers and papers soaked- what would have been my child-
Please, no.
I cried for weeks!
- Was I not going to be a good mother?
- Am I a bad person?
- What is my crime in life?
- Do I not deserve happiness?
- Why? Why? Why?
- What exactly is the good that can come from this senseless pain?
I did a small funeral for my loss. I wrote them a letter then got all the names I would have named them, I burned it. (Don’t ask me why I burned them, I just did).
Then, for the first time in months, I drank a glass of an alcoholic beverage.
And just like that, April 9th through 10, 2019, will remain burned into my memory forever.
So, how dare you woman, how dare anyone think my miscarriage is any less painful than your infertility?
How dare you trivialize my pain to make a statement?
There is pain in miscarriage. There are questions. Hurts. Isolation. Just as there exists in infertility. Especially in Africa where not having children is seen as a shameful existence. We all get that.
But do not trivialize miscarriage. Please don’t.
We lost our children. We shouldn’t have our pain invalidated as less than just because you want to make a statement or share a testimony.
Please don’t. Don’t be this woman.
Thank you for reading. Buy me coffee?
