Narcissists’ Persuasive Tactics
A breakup with a narcissist might not end the relationship. Many narcissists are in long-term relationships and don’t want it to end. They’re codependent and become dependent on their partner. They may try to lure you back with “hoovering.” Even ending a shorter relationship that they didn’t initiate will be felt as a humiliating rejection and wound to their ego. They will try all sorts of machinations to restore the relationship from love bombing to intimidation and may even agree to attend therapy.
However, their good behavior won’t last long and ends as soon as things return to the status quo. Even when they attend therapy, at first they just want to restore their self-esteem and power. They usually don’t want to change or believe that they’re responsible for the problems in their life.
Hoovering can be very damaging. Narcissists confuse you with lies and distortions to gaslight you for their own ends. They are expert manipulators. Hoovering perpetuates the narcissistic abuse that you’ve endured. Because of the prior relationship dynamic, you may easily be persuaded by false promises, gestures, fear, or threats if you don’t go along, or you may succumb to shame and blame because you’ve been made to feel so unworthy and lucky to have your ex back in your life. Your vulnerability is enhanced through trauma-bonding, which makes it very hard to leave an abuser.
Read more about hoovering, narcissistic relationships, and learn how to improve or leave them in Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships.
© Darlene Lancer 2022
