Gen-Z, It’s Time to Listen
Passion and activism are great, but change comes from conversation and understanding, not arguing
I’m in my early 20s, and as part of the newest generation of voters, I know our Generation-Z energy and dedication can help change the world. But while I love our fire, I worry the passion of our beliefs and methods of activism may keep us from achieving our goals.
When I moved from liberal California to conservative Utah at age 14, my social culture changed. For the first time, I was around lots of people who didn’t share my worldview. My teachers made jokes about the ridiculousness of the presidential race, the boys chanted “Make America Great Again.”
My initial response was disgust. They were strangers, but I raised my hand high to argue with their political views. They yelled back. For every point I made, they doubled down on theirs. And there we were: a bunch of teenagers who couldn’t even vote, arguing until we were red in the face.
But leaving class that day, I couldn’t recall anything my new classmates said. Why were they so angry? Why did they disagree with me? The righteousness of my stances was obvious to me — why couldn’t they appreciate them?
Looking back, I realize I was too busy sharing my side to listen to theirs. Instead of hearing them out, I fumed in anger and prepped my responses to their arguments. And unfortunately, it wasn’t the last time I handled disagreements that way.
I realize now that while it may feel satisfying, passionately arguing over facts is not the most effective way to help change minds and the world. Instead, we must start by listening to and understanding the people we’re asking to change.
The Challenges We’ve Been Handed
Gen Z was born in the shadow of 9/11 — we’re accustomed to taking action amid chaos and violence. When our peers were shot down in our schools, we walked out. We supported our mothers and sisters when our government told us they didn’t care about their rights to their bodies. Now we’re protesting the systematic racism that society’s overlooked or too long.
Sometimes we react harshly to differences of opinions, quickly cutting out people who see the world differently. We tend to assume those who disagree with us are wrong and the best way to resolve our differences is to overpower them with the volume of our voices, the passion of our beliefs, and the courage of our convictions.
It’s natural to feel angry when opinions differ, especially when it’s over issues we feel are immediate, desperate, and life or death. But arguing won’t change others’ minds. In fact, social science has shown that fighting and telling others why they’re wrong not only won’t help them see the world differently, it often pushes them further in the opposite direction.
The problem, Generation Z, is that, like many in the generations before us, we have not learned how to talk with and persuade the people who disagree with us. That means not just leaders and politicians, but more importantly the everyday people who vote for them: neighbors, family members, classmates, even those trolling and arguing on social media and in chat rooms. We can’t change their minds until we educate them, but we can’t educate them until we’ve listened to them, and they feel they’ve been listened to.
How Listening Can Help
To better promote and share Progressive ideas with people from the other side of the political spectrum, political psychiatrist (and Progressively Speaking and Smart Politics founder) Dr. Karin Tamerius recommends a process she calls the Change Conversation Cycle:
- Ask them to explain their beliefs
- Listen, really listen, to them — don’t just wait for your turn
- Reflect what they say back to them, so they know you listened and understand their position: “So you’re saying you believe…”
- Agree with them on any larger ideas or goals you may have in common — this can be tricky, but can also be as simple as, “I agree we should make a better world for future generations.”
- Share — Once you both feel more comfortable talking, and they feel you’ve listened to them and considered their points, then you can express your beliefs on the topic
(Dr. Tamerius also has a similar process called the Persuasion Pyramid, building in order, from the bottom up: Comfort -> Connection -> Comprehension -> Compassion -> Cognition.)
Yes, this means that some of us need to face, talk with, and listen to the pro-life protesters at the clinic, the gun-lovers at the Second Amendment rally, and the COVID conspiracists and deniers. Ask for their explanations, listen to their reasoning. We humans respond better when we feel we’ve been heard.
To do all this, we have to be strong and brave, but also calm and patient. These processes take time — people don’t change overnight. And these approaches aren’t easy, especially if you’re part of a marginalized and at-risk group. Not everyone is able to have these conversations, and no one should have to do anything or talk to anyone who makes them feel unsafe.
But as a white woman, I’m fortunate enough to be able to build bridges and facilitate change without suffering adverse consequences. I can afford to put my passion to work more effectively in the streets, in the classroom, and on social media.
We’re Ready
If you want to make a difference — not just noise — here’s a challenge. The next time someone with different political beliefs argues with you posts a provocative meme or mocks something you believe in, ask them how they came by those views. Have they always felt this way? What brought them to this point? What experiences have shaped their views? And then hear their answers.
Let your (and their) anger subside, carry the conversation with genuine interest. Listen instead of arguing. Once they say everything they want to say, I predict two amazing things will happen: you’ll understand their perspective better, and they may better understand and respect your views.
This takes work — there’s a lot we need to change and a lot we need to do. But to create the world we want, our generation of fighters must first become a generation of listeners.
