‘I Ended Up Being Way Worse’
We often resemble that which we hate.
Some of us become it.
Others take it a step further.
“I used to always look at my dad and think, ‘I don’t ever want to be like that, and I ended up being way worse,” Damian said.
Damian’s dad was a tyrant. He was a mean, violent alcoholic who unleashed beatings on Damian, his younger brothers and his mother. In fits of rage, he’d rip open couches with forks and knifes and destroy whatever object was in his path until he passed out drunk. Damian feared his father but learned to conceal his emotions lest he be targeted with more of his father’s fists.
Years later, at 27 years old, Damian fatally stabbed his wife and toddler with a wood-handle kitchen knife he left buried in his 1-year old’s chest.
“I did a way worse thing than my dad ever did to me,” he said. “I haven’t been able to reconcile that.”
The 42-year-old has served 15 years of a life sentence, most of it at Limon Correctional Facility in Colorado.
“I spent a lot of years dwelling on that. I tried so hard not to be that person, and I ended up being worse. I hated myself for that, for sure.”
He continued: “We do become the things we hate, absolutely.”
There are myriad ways to explain such an outcome, and explanations are unique to each person. What is worthy of consideration is a person’s environment and upbringing.
Stated more simply: What is routine to you is not to someone else.
For Damian, such thoughts bring to mind a quote he once saw scribbled on the cell wall of a fellow inmate at Limon.
It offered Damian a different perspective.
“What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly.”
About the Author
Andréa Maria Cecil is a career editor and writer whose experience includes six years as Assistant Managing Editor and Head Writer at CrossFit Inc. headquarters. She spent the first 12 years of her professional life as a journalist — starting with The Associated Press in Detroit and Baltimore — before transitioning to content marketing with an emphasis on authentic storytelling. She is the editor of “Speal: A David and Goliath Story” by Chris Spealler that sold 10,000 copies worldwide.
