Nobody Owes You an Orgasm!
Pleasure is not “give and take”, but something we create together.
Did you give her an orgasm? Did he give you an orgasm? I gave you an orgasm, now, give me one back!
The phrase ‘to give someone an orgasm’ is ubiquitous in our language. And even if I don’t like the sound of it, I still catch it slipping out of me every now and again. I oppose the phrase because orgasms are not something we give. An orgasm is neither a gift nor a service; it’s not a commodity.
Experiencing orgasms with a partner is not a transaction.
We don’t give an orgasm to get one back. It’s not tit for tat and we shouldn’t keep tabs. Pleasure is something we create together, and orgasms are collaborative endeavors, and as for any such undertaking, we must come to it with open minds and a willingness to communicate and share selflessly.
I’ve written about the orgasm gap, and I’ve shared stories about men who are selfish in bed because they cared only about their own pleasure. By divulging these stories, I’m not looking to place blame; I don’t feel cheated of an orgasm. The problem is never that I was not given what I deserved or that someone owed me something that I didn’t receive.
