20 Times I Could Even

Oh, is it EVEN o’clock already?

Emotions are difficult to control. There are times when you can’t even describe how you’re feeling, when you just can’t seem to keep your emotions in check. Well, sometimes you have to control them. You have to suck it up, figure out why you’re feeling amused, afraid, concerned, or whatever the hell, and handle it. Get that shit dealt with.

I was raised in a house where even-ing was part of everyday life. My parents expected a lot out of me, teaching me to be ready to even, even when I wasn’t fully prepared to even. I’ve compiled this list to show you that anything is possible, even even-ing when you can’t even muster up the courage to think about even-ing.

I’m telling you…

It takes great strength and willpower. But if I can do it, you can do it. Here are twenty times I could, in fact, even:

1. The time I worked retail for about six months after graduating college and didn’t stab any customers

2. The time I went to the emergency room on Thanksgiving because I thought I’d broken my collarbone but it was just a bruised shoulder

3. The time I turned down my ex when she wanted to hook up while she was drunk and she was all like, “Come hereeee,” and I was like, “Hmm… Now you know how it feeeeeeeels”

4. The time I plotted out a Medium “Choose Your Own Adventure” story that was more put-together than my life is at this very moment

5. The time Hurricane Sandy left my house without electricity for a week but it was fine because it was a good excuse to be drunk for a week straight and I knew deep down it would come back sooner or later

6. The time I took an acting class and had to deliver two monologues from The Glass Menagerie as part of my final and got an “A”

7. The time my mom had breast cancer and I shouldn’t have been able to even, but her even-ing was contagious and infected my entire family, prompting us to even when we thought we couldn’t

8. The time I met the band Walk the Moon

9. The time I saw somebody walking the cutest puppy ever and I didn’t run over and steal it immediately because that would’ve been messed up

10. The time I was on TV in India and radiated swag

11. The time I watched one of my cousins behead a chicken with a dull ax in broad daylight and didn’t become a vegetarian

12. The time(s) I said I was too full to eat pizza but I had a slice anyway because fuck it

13. The time I interviewed a sexual abuse survivor and wrote a series of articles about her experiences because I figured if she could even, then I could too

14. The time some dude plagiarized me and published his book online

15. The time I met up with someone from Tinder and didn’t get murdered

16. The time Dez 100% caught it and probably scored

17. The time I got irresponsibly drunk and somehow managed to pull it together enough to walk a mile without face-planting

18. The time I thought a dress was one combination of colors but it was really another combination of colors and it literally affected nobody

19. The time Firefly Music Festival accidentally charged me $800 five times instead of once, but it was all good because I got it like that

20. The time I couldn’t even and had no business being able to even, but it turned out I could even the whole time


My point is: Even when all hope seems lost — even when you feel like there is zero chance you could possibly even — you can. You can even.

Like, literally even.

You can find more of Ryan’s work in Human Parts, The Coffeelicious, Absurdist, Life Tips, and The Bigger Picture. You can follow him on Twitter here or check out his website here. He’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!