Guidelines for Slackjaw Submissions

Published in
3 min readJan 16, 2018


Welcome Writer,

As the #1 destination on Medium for all things humor, and think-pieces on cats, Slackjaw wouldn’t be what it is without you, High Warlock of Funny Ideas. That said, we do accept submissions from humor writers of all backgrounds and extraterrestrial lifeforms.

If you’re interested in submitting a humor piece to Slackjaw, please email with a private link to your unpublished Medium draft.

Please keep in mind…

  • Our pieces fall under 1,000 words. Less is better. But not too less. Most pieces are 300–800 words.
  • We publish funny writing: premise-driven humor pieces, humorous essays, and a bit of short comedic fiction — if it feels right. We don’t publish fake-news/Onion-style pieces.
  • We also happily publish illustrated and cartoon pieces. Here are two examples. We don’t currently publish single-panel (single-image) cartoons, as we prefer pieces with more than one illustration.
  • Send us previously unpublished work.
  • To get a feel for what we like, please read Slackjaw.
  • New writers and current Slackjaw writers should email submissions to The submission should be a link to an unpublished, private Medium draft in your email. Attachments and pasted texts scare us!
  • Our writers are welcome to submit Medium member (gated paywall) pieces. This means you get paid for your work. However, this is optional!
  • Only one submission at a time, please. Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t multitasking robots.
  • Expect a reply in one to two weeks — sometimes more, sometimes less — depending on the alignment of Earth’s rotational axis with the business hours of your local Costco.
  • Topical/timely submissions: Because we are prone to occasionally go live in a treehouse with no computer for a few days, 48-hour topical news cycle pieces are not the best fit for us. We love evergreen humor though! Seasonal timely pieces (New Year’s, Halloween, Xmas, etc.) are welcome, and we adore it when you send those 3+ weeks in advance.
  • As of 2021, we get around 100 submissions per week, and we accept maybe 15% of those.

If your story fits, we’ll add you as a writer and publish it.

We pay writers

We believe in paying Slackjaw writers so that they can purchase coffee, groceries, extra bitcoin, and those cool bouncy balls you find in toy stores. We pay via Medium’s partner program (free to join, some eligibility criteria apply). Some stats:

  • Our top 5 highest-earning pieces have earned their authors $6,854, $3,496, $3,001, $2,483, and $2,255.
  • These were organic Medium earnings, all paid directly to our authors. Although these were our top-earning pieces, we commonly publish stories that earn our writers $25-$100+, per piece.

We get way more submissions than we can publish. To improve your odds…

Farewell and prosper,

The Slackjaw Editors (and Matthew McConaughey)




Your source for the Medium funny.