Yapjaw: This Newsletter Will Self-Destruct In Ten Seconds

Slackjaw
Slackjaw
Published in
4 min readMay 4, 2022

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Photo by Troy Doetch

Slackjaw readers and patrons of comedy, my name is Adam Dietz and I am the newly hired editor of Slackjaw’s thrice-monthly newsletter Yapjaw. Each month, I will showcase the best and brightest humor on Slackjaw in addition to some other cool stuff from equally cool spots. It is my great hope to be able to parlay this unpaid newsletter opportunity into a cushy staff-writing job on Young Sheldon or the inevitable follow up Old Sheldon.

On this week’s edition of Yapjaw, we’re talking mortality, hard to pronounce names, and Jaws III. Want the goods? Keep reading!

Slackjaw’s Best in Show:

Taxonomy Of People Who Try To Pronounce “Really Hard Names, You Guys” by Miun Gleeson

The Self-Professed Worldly One: He did semester at sea during his sophomore year in 2004 so he’s got this, everyone.

Photo Credit: Freepik

Live And Let Live, Laugh, Love by Sarah Layden

In this house, the Family and Household Bylaws are not to be trifled with.

7 Mistakes Young Writers Make That Remind Middle-Aged Editors of their Mortality by Troy Doetch

Become a better writer and stop reminding me of the inevitability of my own death

Kohl’s Said It Was My LAST CHANCE To Take 20% Off by K.E. Flann

Now my family is missing

Great Work From Other Great Places:

Other Famous Pauls Warn That The British Are Coming by Kelley Greene in Belladonna

Edward Mason Eggleston (1882–1941), Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Much Ado About Nothing: Shakespearean Episodes of Seinfeld by Michael Leonetti & Nick Dimaso in McSweeney’s

Local Hero Finally Gets Inbox Down to Zero by Laura Berlinsky-Schine in Greener Pastures

From The Slackjaw Editors’ Desk:

There’s No Cool Like 1990s Cool by Alex Baia in The New Yorker

The Harlem Globetrotters Leaked A Sex Tape by Justin Gawel in Slackjaw

Edward Mason Eggleston (1882–1941), Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

We’re Offsetting Our Coal-Burning Factory Emissions By Watering Your Mom’s Gardenias For A Weekend by Molly Henderson in Slackjaw

Introducing Dave-Box, The Meal-Kit Delivery Service For Dave by Adam Dietz in Slackjaw

Letter to the Editor:

Dear Adam,

Embarrassing confession: while unconventional and maybe a bit off-kilter, I actually prefer Jaws III to Spielberg’s original Jaws film. I mean, I like the first one and everything, but I just feel like the third movie has a lot more going for it. Lou Gossett Jr, pipes, and a bunch of killer 3-D, it’s an absolute blast! Having said that, I know most prefer the original. I gotta ask, Adam, is something wrong with me or is Jaws III a secret masterpiece?

-Chip from Houghton Lake, Michigan.

Dear Chip,

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Anyone is free to like any movie they want without shame, unless that movie is Mank. In all truth, I remember liking Jaws III quite a bit when I was young. You’ve got a young Dennis Quaid, looking like an absolute snack, and like you said, a lot of pipe stuff which is always good. While the 3-D doesn’t really hold up, nor does the SeaWorld setting, the special effects, the direction, the writing, or most of the performances, I’d say Jaws III is a perfectly enjoyable film. Like what you like Chip and to hell with the naysayers. With that said my Jaws order from best to worst is 4–3–2–1.

The Final Bell

Be sure and follow Slackjaw on all of your favorite social media sites. Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, it’s all here.

Interesting in submitting to Slackjaw? Of course you are! Our submission guidelines can be found here.

Spread the word, comment below, tell your friends. Keep reading, writing, drinking, eating, and doing your thing.

Until the next edition of Yapjaw, take it easy.

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