tits or boobs?

what d’ ya call ‘em? girls prefer boobs. guys, tits. breasts sound too clinical, too sibilant. knockers are dated. bosoms are faux poetic and get stuck in the mouth when said. boobs sound dumb, like water grenades, demeaning in a goofy way. and tits are what? smaller? more perky, more upright, hard…

piss etiquette

the men’s room is wall-to-wall dudes. i can’t hold it another second. i sneak into the ladies’ room. it’s empty. it’s not what i’m…

busted in grenada: the janeen

1970. learning to act at the Yale Drama School (same time Meryll was there). starting to hate it. the…

ass

because you sit on it for hours, it is rarely clean or smooth or pretty. ass topography is speckled with pimply red bed-bug like dots and cuneiform…

speed bump

i usta hit it hard in Philly when i was imagining myself an architect. accepted by the Yay-ul Architecture School on a full ride i was…

the grim smile

looks like this: lips tighten, the corners of the mouth curve down and the chin puckers — all in one simultaneous gesture. we all do it. i do it. famous people do it. politicians on TV do it. i never fully took this in this i saw Bubba, in his empathetic prime, put that face on, the grim smile. he had…

losing my voice

is the one thing for certain that drives me into a fierce panic. there’s no neck knob to jack a struggling larynx up to 10. no ear…

fart queen

i know. some do, some don’t. or they say they don’t, but they do, don’t they? right? everybody farts. (is that an R.E.M. song?) anyhow it…

guns

scare the shit out of me. i was never the brat with the plastic holster and a pop gun. i liked Tonto more than the Lone Ranger and Silver more than…

couples syndrome and the wisdom of a wise old lady