CONFESSIONS OF A GROUPIE
Rules of Attraction: Music Edition
Have you heard of the drummer effect?
There’s this song, Synthesiser by Faithless that got me thinking about attraction. The lyrics start off as the fairly typical ‘boy finds girl attractive’ theme. Body Rockers and Outkast have done it before, as have many others. I guess it’s a way of making ladies on the dance floor feel attractive. Faithless tend to go a bit more poetic than most electro with their lyrics:
I like to think that
What touches me, it touches you
I love the way you dance
As if you’re just passing through
I like the way you touch
You wear my heart in gold
Love when you come to call
Like a cat in from the cold
And there’s even an interlude of a woman repeating ‘I love you, baby’ in a breathy voice. But the bit that really kicked me in the feels, was the chorus. The beats are building, and this is where Nathan Ball comes out with the line that made me real-life lol:
“As much as I love you, babe, I love my synthesiser more.”
He’s not saying he doesn’t love this gorgeous, besotted woman. He does. He just really, really loves his synthesiser.
Someone professing their undying love for you is hot — but someone professing their undying love for an artform is hotter.
Strangely, this line turned me into a full Nathan Ball groupie. The idea that he was that passionate about his music made him instantly attractive. I assume the Body Rockers think they’re reeling in the ladies with their “I like the way you look at me with those beautiful eyes” etc. But Faithless know the truth — someone professing their undying love for you is hot, but someone professing their undying love for an artform is hotter.
There’s a well-known phenomenon in my circle of female friends that the drummers get the ladies: I call it the drummer effect. I’ve always thought it was something to do with rhythm and unconscious assumptions about how that would translate in the bedroom. But maybe it’s more about an all-consuming passion for their instrument.
I’ve felt the drummer effect in action at a blues guitarist’s gig. I very much enjoyed the music — as expected. What I didn’t expect was my response to another man who joined the guitarist on percussion. He walked on-stage looking just like a normal guy. Slim build, darkish features (perhaps Indian heritage?), he seemed much shyer than the blues front-man. And then he sat down on a wooden box — a cajon — and started drumming. And I instantly wanted to sleep with him. Umm.. What now?
I don’t really know what it was about his playing that made him stand out from all the other musicians I’d ever seen, but I suspect it’s to do with passion. His entire focus was on the music, not the crowd. And of course the music itself was good, which must contribute — music has the potential to create incredibly strong emotions (even spiritual experiences). I was at the gig with some friends, and they felt the same way towards this guy. Anyway, I never spoke to the drummer, or saw him perform again, but I was reminded of that feeling when the same thing happened while listening to Synthesiser.
My experience with attraction has been mixed. Generally speaking, I can recognise that some people are physically attractive. They have ‘good lines’ as we say in life drawing — maybe their features are the right amount of symmetrical. They’re a strong, healthy member of the human species. I understand that they’re attractive, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. For me (and I suspect for many women) the attraction comes from someone’s personality. It’s their intellect, their humour and their kindness that makes them attractive. It’s usually something that happens over time as I get to know them. Although, I can pinpoint the moment I found my current partner attractive — it was the moment he made me laugh.
In my early 20’s I thought that was all there was to know about attraction. Problem solved *dusts hands*. But the universe decided to throw me a curve ball — I met someone who I was instantly physically attracted to. I guess it was lucky that we were at an event after-party and I could just go up and introduce myself. I’d like to think I was more subtle than Touch & Go’s Would You Go To Bed With Me?, but probably not by much. If eyes could drool, mine would have been. Where it really got interesting was that the attraction still increased as I got to know him better, leaving me in a knee-trembling state of utter devotion.
Now, if this was a movie we’d have been driven apart by circumstance, he’d have an epiphany that he felt the same, and we’d live happily ever after. But because this is the real world and love doesn’t work like that, he was emotionally unavailable. It turned into a destructive addiction where he was my fix — and I’d go to any lengths to get it. I wasn’t used to this feeling, and I was uncomfortable with the power imbalance. But dammit, I just wanted him so bad. After that, I decided attraction isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, too much may get in the way of a healthy relationship.
I still don’t really understand the rules of attraction, but I get a kick out of being a DJ groupie. I know it’s not based in reality — I’ll never have the opportunity to meet any of the members of Faithless — so I can obsess without the risk of any real repercussions. It’s a way of loving someone without needing to protect your own feelings, because they’ll likely never even know you exist.
Groupie culture provides the freedom to feel intensely. Young women (and men) have the opportunity to fall in love from afar, without risking a broken heart. To just give love, as a joy of life, without requiring anything from the object of attraction other than they be themselves. It happened to Elvis, it happened to The Beatles, it’s happening now with K-pop phenomenon BTS.
Despite it making me feel a little like a 14 year old girl, I think I’ll embrace my inner-groupie. Next time I get to see Faithless live, you may need to catch me when I faint.
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