Human Traits/Morality/ Transgression
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Aloud Journaling @CloudCafe
“But because I ask for silence, don’t think I’m going to die.The opposite is true; it happens I am going to live.To be, and to go on being” — Pablo Neruda, I-ask-for-silence
Some path in life you always travel alone. Not because you have no one.
But because you have no one to match your stride.
Every time I try and lift you up, you prefer going down the cesspool.
You find it difficult to de-tangle yourself from your past.
I decided to partner you because I saw that spark, your willingness to shed the sludge you were swimming in, probably not your fault.
There is no reason to believe that I am angry or even upset.
I am not naive to denounce nature’s ways and to be honest I am all for it, for what I experience everyday in my own capacity is delicious and divine.
I may not come from a place of overt advantage like you, but I do come from a place of respect and dignity. That’s non-negotiable.
So, it’s time to get real and get down to the basics.
Know that I know. We all find ways to our survival.
Little drama for those dimes to fill our plates, foot our bills and taking care of all elements listed in the Pyramid base of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need.
But most of them don’t know what I know.
I know this because I initiated it. I pushed you to go ahead and have
your share of life.
By now, I know your weakness and you, my strength.
I understand your need to drum up external validation and support, partly because who you are and largely because you always lacked it in your internal circle.
As you can see and know those are not my problems. My need for silence, solitude and privacy is intrinsic, medicative and therapeutic, not a sham to garner sympathy. Unlike you.
When you knocked me for help you did surprise me with your choice. I was impressed by the way you saw things, picked up earth’s signal and forged ahead because you needed the idea of ‘me’ to pull you out of your own mess.
I agreed to it, because that’s who I am !
I have been here before, dealt with it Up-Close-and-Personal, even from the
confines of my home.
You waited for me to attend your parties, wanted me to throw some pennies too…
Maybe one day I will, the day I will know you are not worth more than that…..
I believe we both will be here to witness that tragedy, if it ever unfolds.
But I see you moving on wearing that mask, successfully hiding from the world, but me. But to be honest that is what we set out to achieve — to put you back on track.
And in some very major ways I should be having a mini self-party to celebrate my success!
You are right when you say, you haven’t encountered anyone like me — because people like me are not just born.
We walk through fire, this intrinsic confidence and grace comes from the knowledge of our ability to stand up every time life knocks us down, knowing this will be our reality till we breath our last.
I have absorbed struggle like pleural cells absorb oxygen.
You see, I belong to a 4% minority population who wage silent war every moment of their life, sans the drama.
Dealing with life under such circumstances call for patience, perseverance and exercise of Control, which is achieved with humongous effort.
Even when you are naturally endowed.
The reason I guard my mental health like a ferocious cheetah.
As I was deleting the old mails, I laughed at some wonderful, small but effective conversations we had. I enjoyed the openness, that things were understood, often un-worded, I always liked it this way, but just wanted the environment to be stress free and clamour free, so we can discuss anything in an environment of congeniality without being personal….But that’s me and not you!
When lines blur between real and fantasy there is a risk of transgression, even when it’s in the head.
There is nothing to lodge a complain about, but again there can be many…..
Transgression comes to some people like weather, even the definition varies from person to person and that variety breeds life.
It is laughable that you fail to follow what you preach (don’t get up to tell me it’s ‘human’), in your inability to see beyond your desperation. Hopefully, down the years, when you have achieved what you have set out to, you will find meaning in my words.
Just because you were wronged, doesn’t give you the right to commit wrong, specially when you have been given a patient hearing.
This is a question of Morality — and yes, we are talking of highest human traits here.
Not that everybody can achieve this, but we all should strive to have one — Character.
There is no reason to believe I will be wasting pages, words and time talking about this everyday, because occurrences like this will keep on happening. Transgression is a habit.
So I write once and for all to let you know in words that you have been opportunistic and vile in your uptake. I refuse to be in that place, in that form, even in thoughts, which you already harbour in your mind ( I take this from your own words),
What you wish to do in your life or behind your doors is entirely your call,
( I don’t need to be there to know, ‘cos I know)
Only that you are not allowed to USE my presence, abUSE my inner sanctum.
No. That’s not allowed.
Notes: You don’t find me writing such stuff because I deliberately separate my reality from my writing life.
We humans are complex and relations we forge complicated, even when it’s about a simple friendship.
Often lines blur and transgressions find its way in ways so subtle that it’s difficult to separate.
After all you cannot control someone’s mind. But it’s important to make your stand clear.
This is conjured up from a few experiences I had with several set of people in different set time and surprisingly they have the same modus operandi.
In all likelihood no one is reading it — still it’s important to empty some corners of your mind, to help breathe better.
I don’t ask for anything that I don’t follow, which does not mean I cannot appreciate people who are different than me.“ You have standards even super humans cannot match “ I am often told. So be it.
Not realising I live up to myself every single moment of my wake.I have deliberately used floral images because I don’t want this space to look like a war zone breeding negativity and that nothing is unachievable with little sensibility and right communication.
— Nefelibata.in
I resent anyone telling me that my life is the stuff dreams are made of. People who tell me this wants my life!….A piece by Annelise Lords that spoke to me in more than one way: Sometimes-its-not-about-dreams-it-s-about-awareness
You are always hooked when Leonard Tillerman writes. The one that made a lot of sense The-haunting-abyss-of-the-unwritten-word
Always an encouraging read by Harry Stefanakis in There-is-more-right-with-you-than-wrong
Thank you from Soul Bay. It is always a pleasure to find you to encourage, inspire and light my path!
Leaving with a musical experience you will surely enjoy:)
