The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo: Top 10 Takeaways

As I mentioned in my last post on The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, I completely missed the Marie Kondo effect during the pandemic lockdown. After my husband watched a few episodes of her show on Netflix, I caught him thanking his t-shirts and socks and creating a new folding challenge when I ocassionally do the laundry (laundry is his job in our household).

As I am updating my research for my first ever Stanford Continuing Education course in the spring, I am revisiting topics covered in Piloting Your Life including letting go of what no longer serves you. Since Ms. Kondo is all about decluttering and organizing, I figured I would read her book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

While repetitive, I can’t deny her wisdom that extends beyond the clothes in your closet and thanking a joyless-sparking object before sending it off into oblivion.

1. “A dramatic reorganization of the home causes correspondingly dramatic changes in lifestyle and perspective. It is life transforming.” When I read this in the Introduction, I was skeptical. Then I skipped to the last section of the book and realized why this is true.
2. “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life. Attachment to the past and fears concerning the future not only govern the way you select the things you own but also represent the criteria by which you make choices in every aspect of your life.” This hit me in the face. Hard. While we try to have fewer things in our home, I realized as I read this, that I hold on to way too many things ‘just in case,’ and to avoid the possibility of repurchasing them. I don’t need to be prepared for everything, and I can buy, borrow or rent it if I need it in the future. The key word is ‘if.’ It is not a sin to buy something a second time when, and if, I actually need it.
3. Which led to her next major point. “The process of facing and selecting our possessions can be quite painful. It forces us to confront our imperfections and inadequacies and the foolish choices we made in the past.” “They [our things] exist here and now as a result of choices we made in the past by no one other than ourselves. Our possessions very accurately relate the history of decisions we have made in life.” Oh boy. I felt this one, too. As I go through my things and acknowledge the purchase or the gift and how I acquired something, I will not “ignore them or discard them indiscriminantly” to avoid “denying the choices [I] made.”
4. “There are three approaches we can take toward our possessions: face them now, face then sometime, or avoid them until the day we die. If we acknowledge our attachment to the past and our fears for the future by honestly looking at our possessions, we will be able to see what is really important to us. This process in turn helps us identify our values and reduces doubt and confusion in making life decisions.” After reading Valerie Tiberius’ book, What Do You Want Out of Life, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my values and making decisions.
5. Which leads to the next point that resonated with me: “Selecting and discarding one’s possessions is a continuous process of making decisions based on one’s own values. Discarding hones one’s decision-making skills.” I consider myself a fairly decisive person, and yet there are times when I really struggle with some choices. I’m looking forward to the ‘big purge’ to build my decision making muscle and perhaps open up some new opportunities in the process. I want to clear my space to clear the path for what is to come.
6. Tidying is just a tool, not the final destination. The true goal should be to establish the lifestyle you want most once your house has been put in order.” As I talked about in a recent PYL In-Flight on being in the autumn of my life at the age of 53 (There May Be Pumpkins but It’s Not Close to Midnight), this feels to me like the time to be doing this type of tidying. One kid is out of college and the other may have one or two more summer and winter breaks at home and it’s time for me and my husband to claim our home as our space for the next phase of our lives.
7. “Human beings can only truly cherish a limited number of things at one time. To truly cherish the things that are important to us, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose.” This one is a bit challenging for the ecologically-sensitive Californian in me. Discarding means that something may end up as landfill, even if it may still be functional.
8. “Tidying must begin with discarding. We should be choosing what we want to keep, not what we want to get rid of.” I’ve focused on ridding myself of things in the past and not actively choosing what I want in my life which is odd now that I think about it. During the pandemic when our lives got very small, I recorded a YouTube video on how we were being given a gift to intentionally choose what we wanted to add back into our lives, rather than simply returning to how we were living before, and that we should be careful to avoid squandering the opportunity. I like the subtle twist of focusing on keeping what is important. And as she says, some of our things “simply want to leave.”
9. “Tidying by category works like magic.” While the actual tidying may not be magic, the fact that she called me out on so many categories like paperwork, credit card statements, warranties, greeting cards, cosmetic samples, bedding for the guest who never comes, spare buttons, and free novelty items, I’m beginning to think she’s clairvoyant. Or maybe I’m just like everyone else.
10. “I can think of no greater happiness in life that to be surrounded only by the things I love.” Adding ‘and people’ to this statement pretty much sums up how I want to exist in my world.

I am really glad that we do not live in a large house, with excessive amounts of space and closets, that could be overwhelming due to their volume. I know I will face both the challenges she identified in the book:

— Fear of getting rid of something I might ‘need’ in the future. I hate waste.

— Saying goodbye to the past. I’m sentimental.

Regardless, as I am resetting for the next part of my life that includes some magical tidying up, I will leave the pictures and kids’ art projects to the last, so I don’t get completely distracted.

Did any of these resonate with you? Are there other words of wisdom that you suggest for letting go of what no longer serves you? If so, let me know in the comments or drop me a line at pilotingyourlife@gmail.com.

Next up: On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen. One of the gals I interviewed for my latest research project on midlife women, aging, self-esteem, social expectations, and the patriarchy, suggested I read this book. The subtitle screams that it’s a must read for me: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good.

This is not an endorsement for Bird scooters!

About the Author

Terri Hanson Mead is the multi-award winning author of Piloting Your Life, Managing Partner of Solutions2Projects, LLC, and an advocate for women through all of her platforms including YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and this blog. Terri is the mother of a college sophomore and recent college graduate, is based in Redwood City, CA and in her spare time, loves to travel, cook, play tennis, and fly helicopters around the San Francisco Bay Area, especially under the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh, and she loves a good craft cocktail!