Why not knowing can be the right answer
There have been times where I have found it painfully difficult to admit I didn’t know something. Telling one person can be a struggle, let alone standing in front of a group.
But when I accepted that it was necessary for my personal growth it was clear what I had to do.
Admit to others what I didn’t know. But with that admission came a realization.
There is a sense of freedom in being able to admit when you don’t know something.
When I was no longer expected to know I was free to ask questions, to learn. And by doing so, I was able to grow more rapidly than I ever had before.
I now serve as a Battalion Command Sergeants Major (CSM) in the National Guard. While many of you may not be familiar with military rank structure, it is the senior enlisted position within a battalion that requires considerable experience. Enlisted ranks go from E-1 to E-9 with the CSM being an E-9. If you have seen the movie “We Were Soldiers”, Sam Elliot played Basil Plumley, the Command Sergeants Major.
The position rightfully comes with high expectations. Those Sergeant Majors who have come before me have put in tremendous effort and time to make sure they did the job right. Along the way, the time and effort they have put in has built a perception that those who fill this position will always have the answers.
That’s a real problem for me as I don’t always have the answers.
As it turns out, no one at any rank does.
I recently attended training with 80 or so other senior enlisted. During that training, an entire day was spent learning how to operate a computer program that, had we been back at our various units, would have been operated by someone with far less experience.
None of us have all the answers. Almost no one had any idea how to operate this program. What was interesting though was to see the environment “not knowing” created. Questions were freely asked when something wasn’t understood.
When a person was falling behind, everyone stopped so that person could catch up. This environment made us comfortable to say, “I don’t know” and as a result, we all learned.
If we all know that no one has all the answers, then why is it so difficult to say, “I don’t know”?
From a young age, you’re taught that the person who raises there hand in class with the right answer is the one who is smart. Teachers even sometimes reward them with candy. Have you ever seen a student praised for raising their hand and saying “I don’t know”?
But as Carol Dweck points out in, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”, it’s exactly the sort of thing that should be encouraged.
Children are taught that the people who have the answers are the smart people, the people who will be successful in life and those that don’t are failures. We praise “smart” over a willingness to admit when one doesn’t know the answer and in the process suffocate learning.
Proving they are “smart” is more important than learning.
These students become adults who think that they will be looked down on for not having the right answer. That they will be judged, they will be considered a fraud. That they will be exposed, considered dumb. They avoid anything that may make them look as if they don’t have the answers.
Leaders, even good leaders, often believe their position comes with a requirement to know everything. Sometimes this belief is subconscious. When they don’t know something, they are hesitant to speak or to ask questions because of what they believe it will say about them. No one wants to feel embarrassed or belittled. Everyone wants to feel respected and highly thought of, it’s human nature.
Why is this so dangerous?
Being considered an expert in a certain field brings with it certain expectations. If one isn’t careful, it also builds a facade around them that can become difficult to let go of. Even worse, it can make it impossible to learn. They become dismissive of new ideas or of people with less experience who might have a better idea.
And so, situations are avoided where the gaps in their knowledge might be exposed, where others might see that they don’t know everything. They become standoffish when it comes to areas they aren’t comfortable with. Worse, when others ask them questions, they belittle them for asking rather than expose their ignorance.
What these leaders fail to see is how corrosive this can be to their organizations. It is the same whether in the military or civilian sector.
They stifle the growth of their company. They create an organization where hiding what you don’t know becomes the accepted, even necessary, reality. The effects of this are toxic.
In the military, they can be deadly. While deployed to Baghdad, Iraq in late 2004 I observed a Soldier, tasked with operating a .50 caliber machine gun, fail to do so when directly engaged by the enemy. That Soldier did not know how to operate the weapon system even though they clearly should have.
The results could have been devastating. Fortunately, only one Soldier suffered from minor injuries during that engagement, but it taught me a valuable lesson.
That Soldier’s leader had direct responsibility for the danger they had placed their entire team. They were the type of leader who always had the answers. They could be extremely belittling of those who didn’t. The irony is that it could have cost that leader their life had things gone just a little different.
Organizations are a reflection of their leadership. Leaders that act as if they know everything are modeling behavior that can do severe damage.
The truth is that we all have gaps in what we know. None of us know everything. So admit when you don’t know!
Real leaders model the behavior they expect in others.
A leader that admits this, who freely asks questions when they don’t have the answers, creates an entirely different culture within their company.
They build a learning organization oriented towards growth.
Why is this so powerful, so important?
By removing the stigma of “not knowing”, companies are creating an environment oriented towards growth. The fear of judgment goes away, and they feel comfortable asking the questions they need to know to be successful in their positions. The benefit is obvious, the more successful in their role they are, the more successful the company can become.
Leaders who admit they don’t know everything, build trust with their subordinates.
It allows for their subordinates to ask questions and admit when they don’t know.
As a leader, you build legitimacy when you admit you don’t know. It tells your subordinates that not knowing something is ok, but that failing to take action necessary to fix that ignorance is not.
As a leader, your actions are always creating expectations. The vital question is what those are. Are you creating an environment for learning and growth? Or a culture where people hide what they don’t know for fear of being judged?
Liked the message? Read about the importance of who we friend, work-life balance (get over it!), diagnosing failure, and 7 signs you’re a strong leader.
About the author:
Dan’s passion is taking his experience and helping you apply it to your day-to-day life in order to define and achieve personal success. He has decades of experience as a leader and mentor through his time in the military and law enforcement. Interact with him on twitter @dantruex
