5 Things I Learned After Spending Two Weeks in Isolation : A Step by Step Guide to Enlightenment
Sunday 11:00 a.m.: “I wake up from a pathetic dream, sweating and panting heavily, I stare at the ceiling and then the revolving fan. And keep staring at it until I realize that it’s almost 3:00 p.m. Maybe I took a nap in between, who knows. I know there’s no food in the fridge and a pile of pending work is staring at me from the desk. I avoid making eye contact. Meetings lined up over the week. I check my phone and No text from her. Maybe because of what happened last night or maybe she’s lost interest and wants to break up. Roommate’s been out for the last two weeks and all human contact is lost. I’m almost 30 with shitty health, no personal life and a minuscule friend circle, almost negligible. Depression has been my go to girl lately. She comes and goes into my apartment, whenever she likes. I love her though. We’re in a toxic relationship but I think she’ll move in one day. Well, last two weeks have been specially enlightening almost like Gandhi on Shrooms and here are the 5 things I learned *it was 10 things initially but who cares, I might as well make it worthwhile*
# 1. Never call your partner a “Pathological Liar”. It almost never ends well.
“Save your true self for some other time. Spare them your Honesty.”
Aftermath : You’ll chuckle first and then slowly realize you f**ked up big time.
# 2. How to really hate a meal, you really loved all your life?
Step 1: Prepare a meal of your choice in large quantities and I mean for like a score of people.
Step 2: Eat it for only 3 times consecutively during the timespan of one day.
Step 3: Regret and Eat Cereal for the rest of your worthless lives.
#3. Want to Question every Life-Career Decision you took as a Programmer?
Step 1: Master Java.
Step 2: Master Python
Step 3: Copulate both of them and Welcome their bastard child called Scala. And also kill both it’s parents.
Results: It will mess you up. Ruin your Life. It takes the shittiest portions from both it’s parents and present it to you as really expensive entree meal, which looks good, smells okay, tastes bad and almost always never satisfies your hunger.
#4. It’s better to stay quiet in meetings but not when you’re specifically asked to respond.
Do not stay quiet, I repeat, Do Not Stay Quiet When Called Upon. Or
Step 1: Do stay quiet
Step 2: Panic and Pretend to not exist
Step 3: Pack your bags and leave Earth on a SpaceX Falcon 9. They have been taking frequent trips to Places Unknown where you can go and kill yourself and Your Boss Would Not Know.
#5. Being broke is extremely useful sometimes.
“You can’t buy useless shit on Amazon if you don’t have money.”
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