Never Fight Alone
Find an Ally [For Freedom — Porn Resource Pt.3]
Note: This series was originally written as a group resource to be read and discussed over a period of several weeks. If you’re reading this alone, I pray that it helps you, but I encourage you to go through it with someone.
What Is Accountability?
A Definition
“Accountability is 1) giving an account 2) according to the clear standard of God’s Word 3) in the context of a personal relationship.” (Covenant Eyes)
- Give an account: Be open and honest about your struggles. Be clear. Don’t be vague.
- According to the clear standard of God’s Word: The Bible is the standard by which we live, not our (or anybody else’s) personal moral code. Jesus provides us with the perfect example of God’s Word lived out.
- In the context of relationship: Without relationship an accountability partner is nothing more than a powerless parole officer.
We must all give an account before God in the future. Let’s prepare for that day by voluntarily giving an account before our brothers and sisters. Freedom starts today.
“Jesus is the only ally who makes it possible for us to give an account to God without fear of condemnation” (Covenant Eyes).
Partnership
“Accountability is not primarily others calling you out on your sin, but others calling you up to the person you are in Christ” (Covenant Eyes).
Accountability is not something you have. It’s something you do.
Accountability is a partnership, but you must be the driving force. It’s not their job alone to keep you accountable. It’s your job to help them help you.
Accountability is about bearing one another’s burdens (Mark 2:1–12) and sharing goals, not just changing behavior.
More Than Confession
“Confession of sin can go wrong is when it becomes an end in and of itself. This is when we believe confession is the only point of accountability, something we do to put to rest our uneasy consciences and get something off our chests. These kinds of accountability relationships make ‘getting the secret out’ the whole point” (Luke Gilkerson).
Confession is powerful, but confession without repentance is a mirage. It won’t lead to freedom.
Find an Ally (Accountability Partner)
Be clear. Don’t assume they understand the problem, and don’t assume they understand what you need from them.
As an ally:
- Encourage, don’t criticize.
- Challenge, don’t enable.
- Pray together early and often, but not just about porn.
- Check-in daily for 90 days with weekly meetings during that time.
Accountability requires confrontation and tough love (see resource, “A Guide to Godly Confrontation”). As an ally, after somebody confesses, resist the urge to say, “It’s okay,” because it’s not. That’s why they need you. It’s okay to express a healthy level of disappointment, and then work together to make a plan to prevent it from happening again.
Exercise // Find an Ally
Find an ally. Confess your sins and struggles to them. Define expectations. Give them permission to ask you anything, anytime (not just about porn).
Meet and pray with your ally for at least fifteen minutes this week (again, not just about porn).
