The Life Transcript

Jason’s Stay

“Coulton, I’m going to be straight with you,” I say as I step out of the bathroom. “I think Jason is a high-usage toilet paper user.” Coulton deadpans. “I just bought a new four-pack, like, less than a week ago. We’re halfway through the last roll now.” “It’s true,” Coulton admits, “I didn’t really take…

McD’s

Jason and I sit in Coulton’s Corolla while he pumps it with gas. It’s sometime around brunch.

Before Coulton killed the ignition, the radio was playing a song, the chorus — “Act Right, Act Right…” — of which we interpolated into “Egg Whites, Egg Whites…”.

Baby Moments

We’re sitting at a table in the back of an Italian place we found on Yelp, Jason, Coulton, and I, all picking at the last bits of Calamari from our antipasta.

“Oh shit,” I say. “I just realized: those three tiny pieces of bread we ate were our bruschetta. Man, that was like, ten…

Cosmic Bowling and The Tamagotchi 

Emily and I are sitting around her living room, Christmas decorations now two days past due line the tables and walls. She’s curling her hair, I’m scrolling through something on the internet, and neither of us has mentioned bowling probably for weeks.