Australian Labor Party (ALP)

Look, I’m going to be frank. If the Labor party was a colour, it would be beige. They’re not inspiring. They don’t have a vision. And their leader thinks that this is the way humans converse:

I don’t know what’s worse, Shorten’s question or the mum saying her favourite lettuce is iceberg

And let’s be honest, they haven’t really done anything the last few years. But, by not doing anything, they haven’t actually done anything bad. They’ve just sort of been there. Which means, technically, I think I have to label them tolerable.

Congratulations Labor, you’ve managed to bore me into giving you the highest rating, and I am not happy about it.

Policy

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve had a comprehensive look at all of Labor’s policy. Hell, their National Platform that outlines the party’s standpoint on pretty much all of the issues is 310 pages long, so if you’re super curious, go read that. Otherwise, they do outline some of their major campaigns such as saving Medicare, protecting penalty rates and saving the ABC, among other big ticket issues, if you’d prefer the tl;dr version.

But the best part of the ALP website isn’t the policy, it’s the entire section dedicated to making Bill Shorten look like a regular human being, in a futile attempt to disguise the iceberg lettuce he is.

Vote for them if

You don’t like them but you think they’re better than any of the other options I guess.

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