Analysis of the Pub ‘Local’

No matter where you live, except for very religious places where the sale of alcohol and the concept of a…

Turning Twenty

Here is what it’s like to turn twenty, in case you’ve forgotten about (or are dreaming about) this day.

· People posted on my Facebook wall wishing me a happy birthday. I haven’t talked to 70% of the people who have posted for at least a year. They’re all good people though.

Bogan Bible: The Wedding at Cana

2 On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his mates. 3 When the goon ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no goon. For what shall they do with no goon?” 4 And…

Why aren’t you lying to me?

“Honey?”

My mind jumped to a picture of a beehive before I recongised that that delectable treat was me.

I was honey.

In the space of time my synapses had to come up with that, I had earned myself…

The Good, the Bad and the In-between

Father and daughter sat back in their deckchairs, overlooking the vast sea that lay before them. The sun, glowing a rich pink-orange, was slowly creeping back under the haze of the horizon, as night replaced day. A slight breeze rippled across the balcony, rustling…

The $7.20/hr Boy

I could feel the oil clinging to my skin; seeping through my clothes. I glanced at myself in the reflective stainless steel surface of the countertop. The smattering of pimples across my cheeks would only welcome the new additions that were sure to come if I didn’t soak in a bath of anti-pimple…

I, WiFi.

They were all crowding around me. All with devices in their hands: phones, tablets, phablets, laptops — even a couple of dudes at the back with desktop computers. And, unbelievably, someone had brought their toilet to sit on while he scrolled his phone. I was wondering how the bloody hell he’d got it here…

Hangover, Personified

“How about I start with an axe to the brain, separating the two hemispheres,” he inquired, looking down at me as I lay in the twisting arms of my bedsheets.

“C’mon,” I pleaded, “I was good this time! I started with beer and finished with spirits — ”

Bogan Bible: Jesus Heals a Deaf (Disliker of Beer) Man

The 30 Second Habit of Habits

If you’re like me (a human with imperfections and idiosyncrasies that you wish to collect up in a bucket and deposit into the Marianas Trench so that they can be crushed into oblivion) I’m sure you’ve seen/heard about many thirty second habits that can drastically improve your…