Bogan Bible — Matthew 5:33–37
The Book of Matthew (Q)
Oaths
33 “I’m sure your Dad, or Mum, or maybe your dodgy aunt might have used this phrase before: ‘Fuck oath.’
34 See this is where the oldies have got this right;
35 you might have thought it is a good thing swearing oaths to people left, right and centre, but oaths are a bugger to get out of.
36 Just don’t drop your integrity through your slippery fingers. That’s all you really need to know here. Like if a bloke offers you an in to a pyramid scheme and you feel bad about saying no because he’s so persuasive and an all round great bloke, don’t swear that you will. Fuck [the] oath. Hold onto your integrity like Leo Barry in the future 2005 AFL Grand Final.
37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; be decisive, you wankers. But please don’t say yes to a pyramid scheme. I wasn’t able to buy a case of beer for like two months after I sank a couple of paychecks into one. If you’re out there Damo, I want my cash back.
Matt Querzoli is re-writing the Book of Matthew into the bogan Book of Matthew (Q). Today he has rewritten Oath. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
