Bogan Bible — Matthew 5:38–42
The Book of Matthew (Q)
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, testicle for testicle.’
39 Fair cop, maybe not the last one. But this one’s a tough one for you hot-heads. Basically, if someone with questionable ethics kicks you in the nuts, or punches your tits, don’t react.
40 If he wants to sue you, just declare bankruptcy. If that doesn’t work then get yourself a good lawyer, and after a session in the pit agree to their terms.
41 If anyone forces you to go one kilometre, go for two. In fact, go for ten. Become an athlete. Then they will become jealous of your rock-hard thighs and bulging biceps.
42 And if someone wants to borrow from ya, or asks you for something, just give it to them. Unless it’s your wallet. Or virginity. Unless it’s consensual. You know what, just use your common sense. You’ve read enough of my shit so far to realise that it’s not rocket science. You shouldn’t be calling me the Messy, you should be calling me Sherlock. As in, ‘no shit Sherlock.’
Matt Querzoli is re-writing the Book of Matthew into the bogan Book of Matthew (Q). Today he has rewritten Eye for Eye. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
