Never, ever, ever….is this your dating mantra?
I’ve talked about living and loving in the past and how to get unstuck. I’ve talked about living and loving in the future and how to be in the present.
If you’re not in the past or the future…where are you? In ‘Never-land’ and I’m not talking about Michael Jackson’s ranch because “neverland” isn’t a magical place to live but so many people seem to live there. People who live in “neverland” put themselves out there but very rarely.
Maybe you’ve been burned by love or by a friend and the idea of getting burned again is just too scary.
Maybe you struggle with feelings of low self-worth and never feel like you’re good enough to be in a relationship or to have quality relationships.
Maybe the idea of putting on a pair of jeans and form fitting shirt and heading off to another date just feels like a giant waste of time so might as well stay home and Netflix and chill alone.
Do these scenarios remind you of someone? Is it you?
Today’s topic: What’s keeping you from showing up to the possibility of love, friendship, connection?
We all have a story in our minds about what we do and do not deserve. We’ve all lived different lives and had different childhoods which continue to influence how we see ourselves today.
If you see yourself in the scenarios above, my question for you is: What is the belief about yourself that keeps you from love?
Not an easy question to answer but a really important one. Once you figure out the answer, the next question is: So what else could be true?
What I’m really asking you to do is challenge the belief. You have this belief that you’re not pretty enough or smart enough or something enough to date…OK…so what else could be true? What’s another reason why you’re not putting yourself out there? Fear of being hurt…that’s something we can work with. Fear of being rejected…absolutely…that sucks and it’s never fun.
Blaming not feeling “smart enough” keeps you stuck and lost in self-loathing. Recognizing you feel fear is a real thing that you can address.
Action Step: Take a chance. Then take another. And another…
So how do we face our fears, especially our fear of being rejected? We take a chance. If you’ve ever heard me talk about how to gain confidence, taking chances and putting yourself out there is the best way to boost your confidence and prove to yourself you can face your fears and still be OK in the end.
One of my favorite all time quotes:
“Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking.”
-Susan David
If you want to stop living in “neverland” you have to start walking towards the people and experiences that feel so scary…you’ll start to build resilience and suddenly dating and relationships aren’t so scary.
