Why 2015 Won’t Suck
39 reasons why 2015 will be less terrible than 2014, which was garbage.
1. You Will Build Your Own Google
1. You Will Build Your Own Google
Or maybe map a genome. Or do something truly insane. All thanks to dirt-cheap cloud computing.
3. You Will Finally Quit Network TV
3. You Will Finally Quit Network TV
It’s official: From now on the best television shows won’t be on television, or even exactly shows.
4. You Will Consult Biff Tannen’s Sports Almanac
4. You Will Consult Biff Tannen’s Sports Almanac
Prepare to enter Back to the Future’s future: a 2015 where the Cubs dominate, the boards hover, and the sleeves are very shiny.
5. You Will See the Next Great Artist Turn 9
5. You Will See the Next Great Artist Turn 9
Meet Yung Lenox, a “rap-portraitist” with 13,500 Instagram followers. Also, he’s in elementary school. He drew us a picture.
6. You Will Do Something Batshit
6. You Will Do Something Batshit
Like, um, how about: climbing one of the seven summits and inventing veggie energy bars and saving women to save themselves.
7. You Will Create The Next Great Indie Artform
7. You Will Create The Next Great Indie Artform
Serial’s been exalted, overhyped, defended, buried, and burned. But listen carefully and you can hear the beginning of a podcast revolution.
8. You Will Eat Fast Food Again
8. You Will Eat Fast Food Again
I’ll take a #4 Ethical Meal with the Hyper-Local Organic Greens and a Medium Single-Sourced Cold-Pressed Juice to go, please.
9. You Will Not Get Deported
9. You Will Not Get Deported
Why Obama’s immigration plan has already made next year better for millions of parents — and, more important, their children.
10. You Will Print Yourself a Thyroid
10. You Will Print Yourself a Thyroid
This is not a joke or science fiction: The first 3-D printed-organ transplant will happen in 2015. Get ready to go cyborg.
11. You Will Fly to Tokyo for a Cup of Coffee
11. You Will Fly to Tokyo for a Cup of Coffee
It takes only about 30 minutes to make. Plus a 16-hour flight, depending on where you live.
12. You Will See a Shark That Glows in the Goddamn Dark
12. You Will See a Shark That Glows in the Goddamn Dark
Just get thee to California.
15. You Will Make the News
15. You Will Make the News
(What else would you expect the CEO of Livestream to say? But it’s true.)
16. We Asked One of Our Favorite Authors Who Inspired Him in 2014.
16. We Asked One of Our Favorite Authors Who Inspired Him in 2014.
His answer took us in some weird directions.
18. An HIV Vaccine Is Just Around the Corner
18. An HIV Vaccine Is Just Around the Corner
A conversation with Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of NIH’s National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
19. Kids Around the World Tell Us Why 2015 Won’t Suck
19. Kids Around the World Tell Us Why 2015 Won’t Suck
Kids Around the World Tell Us Why 2015 Won’t Suck
20. You Will Use Your Phone…for Talking?
20. You Will Use Your Phone…for Talking?
Why your voice is the next killer app.
21. Let’s Paper Over the Bullshit of 2014 with the Cool Shit Coming in 2015
21. Let’s Paper Over the Bullshit of 2014 with the Cool Shit Coming in 2015
A wall-art installation by Brian Rea.
23. You Will Grow a Carbon Farm
23. You Will Grow a Carbon Farm
Why compost and cows may be the next big things in climate science.
24. 2015: The Year to End All Years
24. 2015: The Year to End All Years
A prediction from our favorite poet, Patricia Lockwood.
