Roots and Wings: Trying to Be a Good Father
Working on blueprint for parenthood.
What does it mean to be a father? A good father? Are my children happy? How can I give them strong foundation while motivating them to discover the world? Why is it so hard? Why is parenting so complicated? And why am I constantly tired?
|| A Good Father
I often feel anxious: Am I a good father? Society, friends, and family — all have different views and expectations about what makes a good father.
The pressure to meet these expectations can be overwhelming. It leads to self-doubt. But each family, each child is unique.
I remember someone saying to me that throughout a father’s life, you keep having sleepless nights because of your children. The only thing that changes is the reason.
Long story short: Being a parent is not easy. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to fatherhood.
I want to share a part of my story with you.
|| First-Time Parents
For the first few months after our daughter’s birth, I was running on autopilot. My main concerns: Keep my wife healthy, our daughter safe, and somehow manage the rest of our lives (feed the cats!).
The days blurred into nights; weeks turned into months. It wasn’t until about 4 months later that I began to process my emotions and thoughts.
You can’t prepare yourself for parenting.
We had set up the crib, stocked up on diapers, and binge-listened to parenting podcasts. But the real core of parenting — the mindset and the responsibilities — hit us like a tsunami.
I often reflect on one quote. It was a spring day, and my wife was wearing her bright yellow jacket. We went for one of our first longer walks with our newborn daughter.
We talked about our values as parents: How do we want to be as parents? How is life? How are we surviving on so little sleep?
Strolling through the park, we somehow remembered a saying from our parents: We should give roots and wings to our children.
While preparing this text, I googled it for the first time. It’s a quote by Henry Ward Beecher:
“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.
One of these is roots… the other, wings.”
Is it the solution? Is this the way to be a good parent, a good father?
|| Giving Roots
Building strong family bonds is our foundation. We try to create a safe environment where our children can express themselves freely. It’s about trust; being there for them, in both small and significant ways.
Empathy.
There have been moments when my patience felt like it was about to snap. But these are the moments when empathy matters most.
Talking to my daughter about her feelings, showing her that she is heard and valued, builds her emotional intelligence and resilience.
I believe these moments will serve her well in the future, teaching her to handle anger or sadness, even when I’m not around.
Small gestures, like a simple hug, matter.
I hold on until my kids are ready to let go. It’s a gesture that says, “I’m here for you. I won’t let go until you’re ready.” This kind of connection is what roots are made of (read more: Disney Hug).
Positive affirmations are another little gestures. They act like invisible hugs, boosting our children’s confidence. When they grow up, they carry that kindness into their own families (read more: Confident Child).
|| Giving Wings
A documentary series on Netflix about a baby’s first year mentioned that if children trust their parents, they learn to trust the world.
This trust gives them the freedom to explore. They know they can always rely on their family.
Should they face anything unexpected while discovering the world or writing their own story, they have the assurance of returning to their safe space, their home.
As parents, it’s our job to give our children wings.
We encourage our daughter to explore the world, ask questions, and discover new things. We look up answers together, read her books, and enjoy the wonders of the everyday world. I love these moments.
Similar to outdoor games, it fosters curiosity and independence. I remember our first games outside — climbing playground together, wrestling on the grass, and chasing butterflies.
It’s about having fun together (read more: Back to Wonderland)!
|| Trying to Be a Good Father
Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, patient, and proactive (read more: Rough Seas and Small Victories).
I can’t give 100% every day, but I can try to do my best. And on days when things don’t go as planned? Tomorrow is a new day.
The struggle to find my own way is both intimidating and liberating.
It’s about learning from my experiences, and trusting my instincts, while understanding that mistakes are part of the journey.
This process involves mutual growth filled with ups and downs. It’s a lifelong journey.
I think, it’s about trusting in yourself, your partner, and the strength you share as a team. Each day offers us a chance to do better, to deepen the roots and extend the wings of your children.
In the end, fatherhood is about building a family one day at a time.
What does it mean to be a good father?
My father once shared a song with me that he loves: That’s My Job. It describes the nature of fatherhood in a short and simple way.
It’s all about responsibility, dedication, and love.
And so, I will continue to learn, to grow, and to love — building my family one day at a time.
