My LFUF has been a godsend! But, the real growth didn’t happen until I recognized them.
Inspired by Sean Hotchkiss’ Valet article “How to Get a Fresh Start”.
Friendships play a crucial role in our lives, contributing to our emotional well-being, personal growth, and sense of belonging. While no one is perfect, seeking out friends who are supportive, understanding, and reliable is essential for maintaining a positive social circle.
And then, there is that one friend. They are … different. They are “the least fucked up friend.”
What Is a ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’?
We all have this “least fucked up friend” that can help us with a lot more than moving couches or a ride home. I have taken this to be the friend you have known for some time, knows where you have been, and may even know what you have been through. They are that one friend who is always there, supportive of your dreams and growth, and as the name suggests, the one that you are not really worried about — you can lean on them. This person can be your close, personal support for things you likely are not be able to share with other friends and family.
What Can Your ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’ Do for You?
I am going to assume your LFUF is very likely the one you underutilize (or under-appreciate) the most. This may come about because they need the least of your attention, often magically show up when you need them, and rarely, if ever, make you feel small. They aren’t perfect, but you are not worried about them either.
That said, they are the one you can rely on. In rough seas, they are your buoy; not your anchor.
They are also your cheerleader. They know what you are going for, and will cheer you when you are making the right decisions; versus that one friend that cheerleads you into regrets.
They are able to coarse correct you when you are acting like an ass. Not to say this won’t hurt, but you notice they seem to do it from a place of love.
They can—and should—be part of your personal growth team. A wholly new concept that has your LFUF firmly in the South node of your team. Again, they have an interest in seeing you grow, as well as the capacity to be there for you.
Your LFUF is one of the best people to help you in your personal development and personal growth. Consider bringing them in closer, confiding in them, and even asking them to help point out your blindspots. Their constructive criticism can shed light on aspects of yourself that you may not have realized were problematic or underdeveloped. Embrace this feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than as criticism.
Where to Find Your ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’
Actually, I feel they already found you. Look for the one friend that checks in more than most, always shows up for you, and you look up to in some way. They feel more like home.
Traits of a ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’
If this person isn’t obvious to you now, I feel there are some classic traits that can lead you to spotting your LFUF.
- They are active listeners. They are fully present and engaged in conversations, show respect, build trust, and create meaningful connections with you.
- They tend to show up at the right times. It’s not magic; it’s because of the above trait.
- They tend to have high emotional intelligence (EQ). Their ability to self-regulate their emotions, be self-aware and self-actualizing is likely what has you drawn to them. And this is truly how they are able to ‘magically show up’ at the right times of need.
- They may be the one that you think of less often than others. This may come from the fact that their life and presence feels inspiring, yet calming to be around.
- You will feel it. When you hear their stories—or stories about them—you will feel it in your body versus your mind. They seem to be leading the way that is inspiring, and leaves room for you to move into.
Questions I Get Asked About the Concept of a ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’
Do you tell them they are you LFUF?
Nope. And this may be a weird conversation that is unnecessary to your friendship. You knowing they are your LFUF and helpful in the ways above is enough. You can still go to them for deep conversations and support. I will say that once I recognized my LFUF I did tend to stop under-appreciating them.
Can my LFUF be my romantic partner?
No. You are sleeping with them. And that changes the dynamic. Your LFUF doesn’t care about you at that level. They may love you as a friend, but when sex is involved it changes the relationship and what a person does for another.
Can my coach be my LFUF?
No. You pay them. Your coach is in a different role than what your LFUF gives you. I can see how these may even look very similar at times, but know that you paying them changes the dynamic.
My therapist?
Nope. Same as coach above.
What if I don’t have many friends?
Even if you have two friends, one of them is ‘the least fucked up’ of the two. And then, start working on finding more friends. Easier said than done, I know, but if you are looking to grow, having more friends around you is going to be key.
Can my LFUF change?
Yes! As your priorities and life changes, so does the way you gauge who is ‘least fucked up’. Or, as their life changes, you may find them entering their villain era, or even doing something that doesn’t align with your life at that time.
In Summary
First, you may need to start with embracing the idea of ‘least fucked up friend’ in that they are your rock,
— and at time your buoy — and that this is not a way to say all your other friends are ‘fucked up’. We are all fucked up, to some degree.
Next, take a step back and survey what friends you have. Who keeps showing up? Who listens best? Who really gets you? Who cheerleads you the most? Who embodies most or all of that? That’s your ‘Least Fucked Up Friend’, and they are a special person in your personal growth journey.
