The employee walked slowly through the parking lot. He didn’t want to do this, but his boss said he had to or else. The employee didn’t know what or else meant, but he assumed it’d be bad. Or else was never good. Or else was never a pizza party. Or…

I stared at the hundreds of liquor bottles for a few minutes before finally asking the old woman behind the counter for help.

“Well,” she said. “What’s the occasion?”

“I’m going to a party,” I said.

“What kind of party we talking about?” She strolled out from behind the counter…

Al Gore, with a haircut he had to pay for himself.

While most Americans are aware of the benefits that go along with being the President (living in the White House, flying around on Air Force One, ability to determine what constitutes a witch hunt), most don’t know that the office of Vice President carries similar, yet slightly less extravagant perks.

Recently the Doomsday Clock, a representation of the likelihood of a man-made global catastrophe, was set to 2 minutes away from midnight. The following are the most noteworthy changes in the history of the clock.

1947 — At its inception, the Doomsday Clock was set at 7 minutes to midnight…

Keaton Patti

Future constellation.

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