Keaton PattiOr Else.The employee walked slowly through the parking lot. He didn’t want to do this, but his boss said he had to or else. The employee didn’t…Nov 23, 2020Nov 23, 2020
Keaton PattiinSlackjawYou’re All Wrong, Die Hard Is A Hanukkah MovieI’m sorry, but did I just overhear you guys saying Die Hard is a Christmas movie? You did say that? Oh, well I hate to sour this holiday…Dec 20, 20196Dec 20, 20196
Keaton PattiinSlackjawEdgar Allan Poe Shops For a New HouseHmm, this is the study? A bit small. I could probably only fit fifty to sixty ravens in here.Sep 28, 20194Sep 28, 20194
Keaton PattiinSlackjawYour Son is Literally Too Cool for SchoolRyan, or Ry-dog as the faculty and I call him at our daily “What Badass Things Did Ry-dog Do Today” debriefings, deserves much better.Sep 21, 20197Sep 21, 20197
Keaton PattiinSlackjawWe Ran A Great Mayoral Campaign But The Dog Beat Us Fair and SquareThe townspeople have spoken: they want Baxter, a 5-year old golden retriever to continue being their mayor for the next four years.Aug 30, 20194Aug 30, 20194
Keaton PattiinSlackjawWelcome to Coding Bootcamp, MaggotsWell looky what we’ve got here, a class of new recruits expecting to become programmers in just 12 short weeks!Aug 20, 20192Aug 20, 20192
Keaton PattiinSlackjawAs Mayor, I’m Saving This City By Getting a CSI Set HereI didn’t come here today to the one building in our city that isn’t on fire to bemoan our lot in life. I came here with a solution.Jun 12, 20192Jun 12, 20192
Keaton PattiThe PartyI stared at the hundreds of liquor bottles for a few minutes before finally asking the old woman behind the counter for help.May 17, 2019May 17, 2019
Keaton PattiThe Perks of Being Vice PresidentWhile most Americans are aware of the benefits that go along with being the President (living in the White House, flying around on Air…May 25, 2018May 25, 2018
Keaton PattiTimeline of the Doomsday ClockRecently the Doomsday Clock, a representation of the likelihood of a man-made global catastrophe, was set to 2 minutes away from midnight…Feb 20, 20181Feb 20, 20181