Some Women Enjoy Calling Their Lover “Daddy” During Aggressive Sex. What Exactly Does That Mean?
For my wife, Lauren, the term “daddy” has nothing to do with her father and everything to do with dom/sub.
“Oh, daddy, please fuck me.” “Yes, I’m your bitch, daddy.” “Fuck my like your whore, daddy.” “Pound me, daddy.”
Lauren says all of those things and more during aggressive sex when she wants me to dominate her. She’s been calling me “daddy” since we got together in 1997. But here’s the thing…a surprising number of women in the throes of sexual bliss call their male lovers “daddy,” too.
It’s a fair question:
Doesn’t a woman calling her male lover “daddy” signal maybe…some disturbing daddy issues?
No…at least not for Lauren, who has a very healthy relationship with her mom and dad. When she calls me “daddy,” it has absolutely nothing to do with her real father. The term “daddy” used during sex is a term all to its own.
In our bedroom, “daddy” is used within the context of sexual dominance and submission. As I have written before, we enjoy kinky sex and, yes, we have fetishes both individually and as a couple (as does about everyone). If Lauren calls me “daddy,” it’s because she’s submitting and wants me to dominate her. Fantasizing about or engaging in dominance and submission may be more common than you think.
The kind of dominance Lauren enjoys from me may involve spanking, whipping, gentle hair-pulling, restraint devices, large dildos and even ball gags. Lauren at times desires for me to manhandle (but never hurt) her and call her “my bitch,” “my whore,” “my slut” and the list goes on. Sex acts may include aggressive face-fucking/deep-throating, anal sex, cum play, me finger-fucking her until she squirts, pile-driver-type intercourse, DP, etc. Occasionally, there’s role-playing. All of that while Lauren calls me “daddy.”
Sometimes, Lauren enjoys being dominated by me and another guy. Sometimes, maybe it’s three guys. Or perhaps she wants Piper to fuck her with a strap-on dildo or fist her vagina. Yet, I am the only one she calls “daddy.”
Most couples wouldn’t be comfortable going to those lengths; we do because we like kink and our variety of dominance and submission could definitely be called not just kinky but also fetishy. That said, we haven’t been comfortable with everything we’ve tried.
Here’s what one sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, said about the term “daddy”:
“Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliché. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”
When Lauren calls me “daddy,” she’s essentially calling me her “master” or “sir.” She has called me “master” and “sir” but “daddy” is her preferred term as it’s more affectionate.
As one person quoted in the above-linked article observed:
“Some girls want to call their man daddy in a way that has nothing to do with their father but as a way that communicates she is submissive to your masculinity.”
The notion of submitting to a man’s masculinity may offend some women and I certainly understand that. Listen, Lauren is a successful surgeon, instructor and researcher and yet in bed, on occasion, she wants to be dominated and call me “daddy.” Any woman who has gotten on her knees and given a man a blowjob has submitted.
I’ll be honest: When Lauren first called me “daddy,” I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t really acknowledge it or know what to do. As our relationship grew and matured, I realized that, when she called me “daddy,” she wanted me to sexually dominate her.
Honestly, I wasn’t totally comfortable sexually dominating her. I remember the first time I spanked her and feeling quite nervous about it. She loved it and wanted more. Over time, I realized being sexually dominated by me was a need of hers that she desired for me to fulfill. I got more comfortable with it and actually came to enjoy spanking her, calling her “my bitch,” my slut,” etc., and eventually using BDSM toys.
I want to be clear: She doesn’t always want to be dominated. Most of the time, she doesn’t. But sometimes she does, and in those instances I give her what she wants, and it can be quite fetishy.
So the domination/submission fetish in our marriage really originated with her. I have come to enjoy and feel comfortable with it. It’s actually a lot of fun to be Lauren’s “daddy.”
