Sorry, But Isn’t Your Wife Just a Slut?
We compared our body counts to friends of ours, and the results kind of surprised us.
Took me a few days to think through how to respond to this reader’s question. I’ll explain why in just a second. The reader writes/asks:
Hey there. I like your writings. However, I do have a burning question. Between the dick-sucking wife and fantasy island stories, along with the recent revelation that you wife has bedded over 600 people and counting — oh, yeah, and has a non-con fetish — I’m struggling to see where the line is between your practice of “the lifestyle” and her being basically a slut (call girl) perhaps who isn’t paid but is available for the pleasure of anyone fortunate enough to fuck her. She went into a gloryhole room for fuck’s sake — what prostitutes do. Also, I find it very hard to believe neither of you have come down with an STD over the years. What do you have to say about that?
I read this message multiple times because at first it seemed like a takedown of my beloved wife, Lauren. And maybe it is. But I’m trying to see an honest question in it amid someone saying I’m married to a woman who behaves as a prostitute does. By the way, her profession is as a surgeon, not as a paid sex worker, though we did go through a fans site phase in the early days of the pandemic. But I digress.
What the reader appears to be asking: Is Lauren, because of the above examples and many others, essentially an unpaid call girl who fucks or blows whoever desires her and is “swapped” (read: traded)? And surely we’ve had STDs because of how many people we sleep with right, right?
I think the question of if Lauren is basically an unpaid call girl could be asked of a lot of women who participate in the swinger lifestyle. And guys, too, but we’ll get to the sexist agenda in the reader question in a bit. For now, let’s address the question of if women like Lauren who swing are hookers.
We recently asked some long-time female friends in the lifestyle what their body counts are to see how Lauren’s count of 600+ compared. What they shared surprised us. We’ll start with Emma. She says “over 800 sex partners lifetime — I keep it all written down,” including “a few hundred during college and grad school.” What about Tiffany? She says “approximately 600–625.” And Andrea? She lost count years ago but says, “well over 1,000,” including, like Emma, a few hundred during college. Oh, yeah, and Maddie? She’s at a paltry 355. What’s Jillian’s number? “Way over 1,000.” Katie, too, is “well beyond 1,000 but I don’t have the exact number — sorry!”
So Lauren’s 600+ is kind of “in the middle.”
Do they consider themselves “sluts”? All answered “yes.” Do they consider themselves prostitutes, hookers and call girls? All answered “no.” And what about getting around during college (and grad school for some)? As Emma said, “I’m not super proud of how I lived my life during college and grad school. Yeah, I made the dean’s list every semester, but I slept around for sure — different guys every weekend. And it brought some consequences, too — I once got pregnant.”
All of the above-mentioned women grew up in good families and were/are close to their fathers (and mothers). No daddy issues, at least not that they shared. Some people just love to have sex and are more open to engaging in it than others. There are people who play golf all the time (golf whores). Tennis, too (tennis whores). There are also people like us for whom sex is a hobby and lifestyle.
Speaking of hobby, we know someone in the lifestyle who’s now in her late 50s, has been swinging for 35 years and says she’s slept with more than 1,500 people (including me — yep, I fucked her about ten years ago). “I’m a slut, yeah, but the term prostitute kind of offends me,” she said. She had a few bouts with STDs that fortunately were treatable.
By the way, all of these women’s husbands, like me, have had fewer sex partners than they have. Why is that? Because we’re (mostly) straight males married to bisexual women with male and female sex partners.
Then we asked some women we know not in the swinger lifestyle about their body counts. Lauren’s sister’s body count: 24. Her friend Amy’s body count: 11. Another friend Ellen’s body count? Six. Our polyamorous girlfriend Piper’s body count: 37 (20 females, 17 males). All of those exceed the average woman’s body count of 4.3. We also know a woman whose body count is one and she’s proud of it.
I cite these numbers to illustrate the larger point that years in the lifestyle correspond to lots and lots of sex partners (not that Lauren’s sister’s body count as a monogamous woman isn’t very high — it is). We’re in the lifestyle because we enjoy it — we love to have sex like a golfer loves golf — and we choose our sex partners on our own terms (versus getting paid). Because Lauren’s a slut — as am I —and just because we swap with other couples doesn’t mean she’s in effect a prostitute, hooker or call girl. There have been whole books written about people who have similar views and practice polyamory and swinging as we do without being a street walker.
The question of if Lauren’s a call girl seems to be coming from a sexist place because it should also be asked of me. Am I also a prostitute? I’m just as promiscuous as my wife is, though we choose to engage in our exploits together and not via an open marriage.
In summary, Lauren and I are both sluts but we’re not prostitutes because we choose our sex partners and we choose to engage in this lifestyle. There have been lots of guys over the years who wanted to bang my wife but she wasn’t interested in them.
And what about STDs? I’ll be honest: Sometimes we fly way too close to the sun in our practice of the lifestyle. Over the years, we’ve been involved in some truly epic debauchery, such as during our recent trip to an all-inclusive swingers resort, where we had a few instances of high-risk behavior — namely lots and lots of unprotected blowjobs, lots and lots of pussy-eating and some unprotected vaginal and anal sex as well. We’ve talked about being more disciplined going forward. So far, no STDs that we know of, and we hope it stays that way.
