11 Practical Tips for Raising Kids Who Make You Proud

8 min readMar 19, 2018

‘My son messed up again. I can’t believe it!’ blasts a Facebook post.

Can you relate?

Right now, you’re not proud.

Why would you be? Your son doesn’t listen to you. He fouled up again and you fear the direction he’s headed in.

What if you could be proud of your child for the rest of your parenting journey?

These 11 tips, related to parenting realities, will help you prepare for what’s ahead.

You can be fiercely proud of your child at every stage!

1. Your Child Didn’t Come With a Warranty

Your child could die anytime. More likely, you could die anytime. You could be separated from each other by natural or manmade circumstances.

When did you last connect with him? Did you part on good terms? Are you still on good terms?

Time with your child doesn’t come with a guarantee. Make the most of today and every day.

Tip: What can you do now to best connect or reconnect with your child?

2. Your Child Didn’t Come With a Manual

No matter how much parenting advice you gain from trusted sources, parents and professionals, you learn best on the job.

As a new parent this can be overwhelming. Capable in many ways, you suddenly find yourself unable to calm or feed your baby with ease. You comfort yourself with the thought, ‘Parenting will get easier as my child grows.’

Then you find as your child’s physical needs decrease, her emotional needs increase.

And parenting can be more demanding if she depends on you for longer than anticipated or suddenly needs more help than in the past.

Tip: Expect your comfort zones to be stretched in unforeseen ways. Be patient with your child and yourself as you to adjust to each stage.

3. Your Child Isn’t Your Spitting Image

Although your child may look and sound like you, he’s not.

As you get to know him better in different circumstances, you see how he responds. Sometime he’s just like you, sometimes completely different.

Is he:

· Logical or mathematical?

· Kinaesthetic or very able using his body in some way?

· Visual or spatial, with an active imagination or ability to recognise or represent things mentally?

· Verbal? The family joker?

· Musical or sensitive to sounds?

· Intrapersonal, mindful, apt to express different feelings or think and reason well?

· Interpersonal, sensitive to and working well with others?

· Naturalistic, drawn to living creatures, plants or various aspects of nature? *

Your child’s dreams and unique abilities could bless the world. Keep supporting him even if these take a long time to show up, change many times, or don’t include the dreams closest to your heart.

Tip: Expose your child to as many experiences as possible to help him recognise, develop and use his unique abilities and dreams. Do all you can to help him excel in these — to become all God created him to be. Celebrate his uniqueness.

4. You Aren’t Perfect — Admit it

You’ll be challenged while learning on the job as a parent, with all sorts of stresses at the most difficult times.

You’ll fail your child!

But you can say sorry when you fail her.

Tell her you’re sorry as soon as you can. Do this even, and especially, if you and your child seem stuck in a distressing pattern. Do this even if you have little time to spare and it slows you down — even when your daughter’s not dressed and ready, again, and you lost your patience, again.

Do you know what causes you to respond to her in ways you’re not proud of? How can you respond better?

Tip: Learn to say sorry sincerely and show it. (Benefit: Your child will learn to do the same.)

5. Love Your Child at Every Stage and Age

Does he feel most loved and respond best to:

· Positive and affirming words?
When you’re thankful for him or his actions? When you tell him why you’re proud of him — to his face, to others in his hearing or in a message? If so, leave a note next to his pillow, on his door, or in his lunchbox or luggage. Share information or jokes about his interests in texts, phone or video calls.

Has he ‘heard’ you say you’ll be there for him, even if he fails or messes up badly?

· Things you do for her?
How does she respond when you transport her to a game, activity, or friend’s home? What about when you provide her favourite food when she needs support or celebrates a milestone?

· Gifts?
The little and not so little things you spot, seek out or make which you know he’ll enjoy.

· Quality time?
Do you stop and listen to her, hear her out, respect her latest thoughts, and keep these confidential if implied or requested? Do you play games or read books she’ll enjoy? Do you attend her special events and sometimes watch her favourite show with her?

· Physical touch?
Do you appropriately kiss or hug him? Do you tickle him or rub his shoulders or back? Do you play physical games with him?**

Tip: How can you best love your child today? Connect in the ways most meaningful to her, face to face when possible, or using any of the many ways available.

6. Your Child Isn’t an Angel (Despite How He Looks When He’s Asleep)

Whatever standards or expectations you do or don’t have, your child won’t do or be all you want.

You know this.

The hard part is being consistent with your boundaries while these remain appropriate. Can you do this when your child tantrums, at home or in public? What about when you’re exhausted or you’d rather ignore his behaviour?

Tip: Forgive your child when he messes up. (Benefit: Your child will likely forgive you much more generously.)

7. Sometimes Tough Love Is Needed

You want to protect your child. You aim to prepare for every situation. You seek her trust as you teach about sharp objects, hot taps and appliances; bullying, sexual abuse and addicting substances and activities such as alcohol, drugs, cutting and video gaming.

But do you consistently maintain carefully chosen boundaries to continue to protect her?

Do you allow him to experience the consequences when he crosses boundaries? Can you stop yourself from stepping in to prevent the backlash of stirring the family pet (again)? Do you insist he pays for speeding fines or increases in insurance after his preventable accident? Do you make plans together for special celebrations or outings as he works towards keeping boundaries he struggles with?

When your child’s older, do you let her know if her choices worry you? If she’s an independent adult, there may not be much more you can do.

Tip: Work out and consistently maintain boundaries for your child’s behaviour, before each stage if possible.

8. Kids Make Unexpected Choices — Right Out of the Blue

Your daughter may go through terribly, painful circumstances she doesn’t share with you. These may drive her to desperation — to take her life or perhaps hurt others.

She may avoid telling you about certain friends or interests she develops over an extended time, aware you won’t be happy about them. When you do hear or eventually find out, she can be entrenched in a major life choice you find hard to deal with.

Your child may opt for the easiest living options at various times of life. The more complicated your family dynamics, the more options are open to your child and the more surprises may be in store for you as a parent.

Tip: Be prepared for sudden changes. Which are more likely in your family? Which would you never expect? How can you be ready for these?

9. You’ll Be Hated, You’ll Be Loved, in the Same Minute

Did you ever disagree with your parents at some difficult time, and feel or say something like, ‘I hate you’?

Even if you’ve experience a wonderful relationship with your child now, unexpected events can change this. If you and your child part with bad feelings or separate in terrible circumstances, healing can occur — with time and effort.

Tip: Relationships pass through different seasons. You and your child change. Be aware of this, whether you’re close now or feel distanced from him. Keep building the best relationship you can — and prepare to restore it if needed.

10. ‘Once a Mother, Always a Mother’

Does this advice from an experienced mother of adult children ring true or shock you?

Whether you gave no thought to bringing your little one into the world, or planned every detail with great cost in time and other resources, once you chose to nurture her you took on a full-time role.

Why did you choose to parent your child? Does it help to remind yourself when you’re not so sure?

Tip: Parenting is a lifelong role, whatever age you are. Prepare for the years ahead to be the best parent at every stage of your child’s life.

Mother and daughter, with thanks to Pixabay.

11. Be Your Child’s Best Cheerleader — Now and Always

You can choose to be proud of your child today and every day.

How easy is it to be proud when he’s doing well in some area of life you or your community consider important? What about at a stage when it takes all your effort to find something positive about him? Can you remember what you felt proud of in the past?

Some sources say you need to tell your child nine times more positive things than negative. Start a list, if it helps, and add to it over time. Share these with him — when you first see him and when you’re about to part.

Tip: You may not approve of your child’s choices but love him and be proud of him for what you can. Let him know right now.

Now You have a New Mindset

You remind yourself why you chose to parent your beautiful child.

You find out about stages he may go through over the next years. You carefully watch and listen to others with more experience. You take time to prepare your child to take on responsibilities and prepare for risks at each stage.

You tell your child what you love about her, what makes you proud of her, what she’s good at.

You model how to say sorry when you fail him. You show him mercy when he messes up, and coach him to face consequences of bad decisions. You provide support and help he needs to beat his problems — to help him get better in whatever way he needs to.

You take the time to follow up concerns you or others may have about your child or their friends — even when it seems too incredible to believe.

You prepare for unexpected changes.

You don’t expect to be friends with your child anytime soon — not while you still need to provide age-appropriate boundaries to keep him safe.

You are proud of your child, no matter what she struggles with.

You will be there for him, whatever happens. And he knows that.

References: * 8 ways of Knowing, David Lazear; ** The 5 love Languages, Gary Chapman.

With thanks to @Jon Morrow, Marsha Stopa and all the Freedom Machine team for their generous support as I prepared this post.

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