With My Deepest Empathy, I’m Really Sorry
i’m sorry for the way i treated you
punishing with cruel silence is what i used to do
i wish i wouldn’t have done that
i wake up from the same old flashbacks
feelings buried deep in my heart, i can no longer ignore
now i’m actively trying not to hurt you anymore
i still remember the days like the back of my hand
the test of time we couldn’t withstand
snow globes turned into shards
emotions we showcased many moons ago have drifted apart
now we’re just one step forward, two steps back
always searching for new muse and soundtracks
at one point it was fun but life’s tough now
used to paint the town red when we were 21
this is just a shot in the dark…do i ever cross your mind or not?
i get lost in this melancholy of life over and over again
my purpose vanished into thin air, all my endeavors in vain
you pictured clear blue skies but i left you in dark grey
years go by, seasons change
memories we had together still lingers in my brain
those moments short lived and faded away
like i didn’t even exist, that’s the price i paid
crumpled calendar on the floor but i still remember your birthday
and i wish you knew how much i resist calling you everyday
it cuts me deep, i have to spill out my guts with anguish
i know at times i’ve been quite selfish
i know i shouldn’t have crossed those boundaries
my fickle heart and mind keeps replaying kaleidoscope of bitter sweet memories
this time it’s me at your doorstep with shattered hopes
i’m leaving you with letters of remorse without envelopes
swirling in sorrows, drowning in disbelief are not good for anyone
everything feels so out of place and wrong
in the cold light of day we have to move on
didn’t want things between us to be like this, i swear
my attempt to seek your forgiveness might be a hit or miss affair
i’m sorry for hurting you and i know that it’s true
now all i ever want is to make it up to you
people say speak now or hold your peace forever
clear the air or prepare to suffer evermore
putting aside ego, live today for a better tomorrow
an effort to apologize is more commendable than none
i think it’s time to let bygones be bygones
for the worst things i ever did to you
i hope these words weigh heavily
with my deepest empathy, i’m really sorry
Liner Notes:
February 22, 2021
“For the ones who truly deserve it!”
Unlike it’s predecessors this one is quiet different. Other chapters are like this is what happened, what i felt, you did this to me, hopeless romantic, loved and lost, but this one is like maybe i was the problem.. maybe i shouldn’t have pushed the boundaries… perhaps you were right…. maybe it’s my fault.
In our lives we often tend to point fingers at others first but fail to realize our own mistakes. And maybe it’s our pride that becomes the reason for our bridges to burn.
I’ve never apologized to anyone in my previous chapters but i think i should’ve…. to those who truly deserve it. So i wrote this one during march april last year. While i was writing this chapter i kind of thought about innocent people from the past…. people who got burnt by my rage, who were deserted, who got incriminated because of my misjudgment. I think in the course of time i have become matured enough to own up my mistakes and avoid unnecessary drama or to be associated with it.
“To those who were shattered into millions of pieces by me at some point of time here’s my attempt to put you together piece by peace of mind.”
this one is for you, i hope you know who you are”
Flash forward to March 18th, 2024:
hello there! how are you? it’s been quite a long time. If you are reading this thank you so much for being so incredible and to be here. This was something i wrote many moons ago with a different headspace. Lately I’ve been quite inactive on medium. I was searching for new inspirations to write about and fortunately I’ve written bunch of stuffs but still they feel a little half baked. During that process i happen to stumbled upon this particular piece of my previous writing. The version that you are reading is actually a revamped one. There was no intention to post this particular writing because i scrapped down a lot of them thinking they were quite a cringe. I had to rework this one and other 2 which i will be sharing with you in the coming days if possible. and furthermore when my gut instinct overpowers me i will share my new writings with you all. thank you for stopping by.
© Dijay Limbu 2024 All rights reserved
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