Gary M. Almeter – Medium

Gary M. Almeter

Gary M. Almeter

Yes, “The Silence of the Lambs” is a Christmas Movie

Let’s settle this debate once and for all

5 min readDec 4, 2023

--

Yes, “The Silence of the Lambs” is a Christmas Movie

--

Gary M. Almeter
in
The Haven

How to Survive the Imminent Next American Civil War

“It behooves us to prepare our defenses for the worst.” — New York Times, January 13, 2022

4 min readFeb 6, 2022

--

1

How to Survive the Imminent Next American Civil War

--

1

Gary M. Almeter
in
Partially Obstructed Views

Finalists in the Buffalo Bills Mafia’s First Annual Haiku Competition

Use magic markers For writing names on dildos Or else it will smudge

2 min readDec 6, 2021

--

Finalists in the Buffalo Bills Mafia’s First Annual Haiku Competition

--

Gary M. Almeter
in
Slackjaw

Please Exhume President Warren G. Harding’s Hot Body So Every American Can Have A Chance To Ride…

“A request by a grandson of Warren G. Harding to prove his lineage with ‘scientific certainty’ by exhuming his grandfather’s body has been…

3 min readDec 9, 2020

--

4

Please Exhume President Warren G. Harding’s Hot Body So Every American Can Have A Chance To Ride…

--

4

Gary M. Almeter
in
Slackjaw

Coming Soon To A Cineplex Near You!

Karen Hall: Winner For Best Determination To Speak To The Manager

2 min readJul 17, 2020

--

2

Coming Soon To A Cineplex Near You!

--

2

Gary M. Almeter
in
Slackjaw

I Am The Guy Who Karen Carpenter Sang About In ‘Close To You’ And I Need To Come Clean Regarding…

The first time I heard Karen Carpenter’s voice, I was a young ornithology major at California’s Long Beach State University. I was walking…

4 min readJun 3, 2020

--

3

I Am The Guy Who Karen Carpenter Sang About In ‘Close To You’ And I Need To Come Clean Regarding…

--

3

Gary M. Almeter
in
Slackjaw

What I Imagine The Fleetwood Mac Tour Bus Is Like

There is a bus driver named Jeremy. Jeremy has been the Fleetwood Mac bus driver for as long as the Fleetwood Mac band members can…

4 min readNov 1, 2019

--

2

What I Imagine The Fleetwood Mac Tour Bus Is Like

--

2

Gary M. Almeter

How to Sell Your Smoky Beanie Baby Collection, According to My Aunt Connie, A Non-Smoker

Research. Look on eBay and niche-specific collector sites to gauge how much each Beanie Baby is worth and which site typically elicits the…

4 min readApr 13, 2018

--

1

How to Sell Your Smoky Beanie Baby Collection, According to My Aunt Connie, A Non-Smoker

--

1

Gary M. Almeter

List: What Your Favorite Beer Says About You

Coors Light: You’ve had the same haircut for years and suddenly you feel like it no longer suits you and you don’t know what to do.

5 min readApr 8, 2018

--

List: What Your Favorite Beer Says About You

--

Gary M. Almeter

I’ll Ping You

I’ll ping you. It’s on my calendar to ping you this morning but I am on a conference call so may not get to pinging you until this…

4 min readApr 8, 2018

--

1

I’ll Ping You

--

1

Gary M. Almeter

Gary M. Almeter

Gary is an attorney who lives in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three kids and beagle. His work has appeared in McSweeney’s, 1966, Good Men Project & Splitsider

Following

Help
Status
About
Careers
Blog
Privacy
Terms
Text to speech
Teams