#3 First-Born Daughter
Hi!
I’m so happy right now. It’s already rainy season! 🥰 Feels like I’ve been filled with so much joy and good feelings lately, and really want to share it all with you guys hehe. So, I hope that all of you who read this right now will always be surrounded by happiness as well.
This story has been in the draft for like 3 months… there’s been a lot going on, but finally, this story made it today. So, I hope you all enjoy it.
Where is my first-born daughter’s voice at? Hehe somehow lil bit tough isn’t it? I know.
Back then, I was full of anger and resentment when life hit me with that whole “first-born daughter” thing. And I can’t even choose our birth order. I’m here not to compare who’s the strongest or who’s endured the most hardship among the siblings. Every first, middle, and last-born child has their pros and cons. I’m here to express maybe one or two things about being a first-born daughter that people might not know about. Perhaps there are a few similarities, but it’s just as likely that there aren’t, since we each come from different family dynamics, not to mention diverse environments, backgrounds, and cultures, as I mentioned in #1.
As I was brought up in #2, growing up in a family that didn’t quite often express emotion or have that kind of ‘closeness’ intimacy, of course, has influenced me as well. Especially me as the first-born daughter. Since I was a child, I have always been treated by my parents to do everything by myself. I won’t lie; they’re really proud of what I can accomplish on my own. And it’s good for me as well, but sometimes it’s not always the case. Little do they know, it comes with a price growing up with that behavior without even knowing the limit to start relying on someone, especially when it comes to the romantic relationships of their first-born daughter, and for this one, I’ll explain it more in #4 hehe.
It’s no surprise that some parents don’t always treat their children equally. It’s a big family secret that my sister is the one who got all the love and attention. Even now, my dad continues to talk to my sister as if she’s still in her childhood, with that spoiled tone and gesture. I’ve never even seen my dad get angry with my sister. Sometimes, at worst, I feel like I’m at his emotional disposal. It’s as if being the first-born is only for dealing with serious matters, and affection is only for the younger ones. Because I’ve been receiving a lot of unfair treatment, it has become a regular thing for me. So, please don’t read these paragraphs with a hateful tone in mind.
I’ve never complained, not even once but, there was one thing that really got on my nerves. It was when he discredited my hard work just to validate someone’s failure. It was the worst. The fact that I had to struggle alone, trying to solve everything by myself, and he never witnessed that because he’s not home 24/7, then proceeded to said something like that. When I first heard that, I was just in disbelief and couldn’t say anything.
I’m writing this as a reminder for myself and you. If you want to validate or uplift others who have experienced failures, you can do so even without putting others down (:
I used to think, why do adults always normalize that kids should put up with their parent’s bad behavior or mistakes? Isn’t it like children parenting their parents? The fact that parents are supposed to guide us in this life, not the other way around. If they’re not ready for it, maybe they shouldn’t have kids in the first place….
It might not be quite relatable to us, but I believe there are a lot of children out there dealing with parents who are still immature and have a lot of ego. It’s kind of sad if they have to cope with such a situation, and instead of receiving guidance, they are often encouraged to tolerate their parents’ behavior.
However, having that kind of hatred towards a lot of situations for the rest of your life is not going to be good either. If you’re stuck in that resentment, it won’t take you anywhere. Look at it from another angle; the bad things that happened aren’t the crucial parts. The important thing is how we respond to them. So, to ease that kind of resentment, you just have to accept it for your own sake, for your everyday life, and your sanity. Accept that some people may not have behaved in the best way. And our job is to keep our peace, by registering it in our brain that those things that bother us have no significance. Then carry on with our best and awesome life because that’s what’s more important.
Nevertheless, some painful memories from my early days are still vividly imprinted in my mind. I can pinpoint these from A to Z if I want to. But, life is just too short to dwell on things that no longer serve me. I’ve reached a point where I don’t really care anymore. Because I know, a lot of other good things are awaiting me 🥰 So, I’m just gonna be thankful for everything that taught me stuff, even when things didn’t go so great.
Even so, I’m also still grateful that I grew up in a household where there weren’t strict beliefs like ‘women should do this and that’. Due to the work and not always being at home 24/7, my dad knows that being a mom is not an easy job. That’s why, since I was born until now, they’ve hired someone to take care of the household chores so that my mom can take care of herself and fully focus on raising me. The fact at that time, my family’s economy was below the standard, but they were brave enough to decide to hire someone. And maybe I could say that I’m not that good at doing household chores hehe. Even my mom won’t allow or ask me and my sister to do things like washing the clothes or cleaning the house. Despite this, it has made me and my sis aware that household chores are part of our own ‘self-responsibility’.
However, I’m tired of witnessing some households where there are such rules for “the daughters”. Even among my friends, or maybe you’ve noticed something similar — where the brothers are just okay to lie around while the daughters must be in charge of cleaning the house, preparing food, or doing the dishes. Therefore, I have more respect for men who don’t have any sense of fragile masculinity in doing chores. Because, if they understand how hard it is to maintain household chores, maybe they are less likely to put their partners in a such difficult situation in the future. On top of that, it’s just cute to watch men doing it hehe. So, doing chores is a part of self-responsibility. No biased gender. Just roll up your sleeves and help with the chores.
But I’m sure a lot of first-born daughters out there are willing to do anything just for the sake of their family, even beyond their responsibilities. It’s already a common secret that being the eldest often means constantly checking in on everyone’s emotional condition hehe. A lot of first-born daughters may carry a tendency to always ensure that everyone is okay, especially by constantly being aware with the emotions of every single person around them, even if it takes a mental toll on themselves 🤦
It’s not so much a responsibility, but rather a condition (due to family dynamics) that consistently places them in such situations. All I want to say, it’s great to be empathetic and have emotional awareness towards others or situations, but it shouldn’t become a burden that ultimately drains your energy. Sometimes, you don’t need to dive too deep into something; maybe we just simply need to regulate and manage that emotional baggage without crossing our self-boundaries. Because we are not a family’s emotional disposal, we all deserve relaxed thoughts and some peace of mind.
Another one, when it comes to looking after the fam or handling stuff, I think first-born daughters just naturally take the lead. It’s about the nurturing aspect and naturally stepping into a leader role in various situations. This tendency sometimes places me in a position where I subconsciously become the caretaker or the ‘mom’ in any different social circles. Whether leading group projects or even planning a vacation, my friends often entrust everything to me, from the big plans to the tiniest details as simple as holding the hotel key. It’s not a big deal or a burden; in fact, it’s something we willingly do, even if no one directly asks us to take charge.
Making that sense type of responsibility probably comes from growing up in a family where the first-born daughters were always ready to look out for our siblings or even parents. The thing is, even if the first-born daughter is pretty self-sufficient, reliable, always good at handling stuff, or taking care of things….
Sometimes we want someone to take care of us too ):
Like, when things are already taken care of, or when someone casually does something nice for us out of the blue, without having to ask for it first— that would be really really nice. Trust me, all first-born daughters are secretly hoping for that. That’s why right now I’m speaking it up for y’all, so own it up hehee no need to feel shy. But yeah sometimes we can get a bit stuck in our first-borns pride haha, that it takes someone who can make us feel at ease first to get us to drop that guard. But let me tell you, if you need to rely on someone or want a bit of help, it’s cool to just ask (even if things don’t turn out exactly like you had in mind hahahahaha just embrace it).
I know, some of us hold back from letting others handle stuff because sometimes we’re hoping for the outcome to align perfectly with our expectations right?? Hehe. Listen, it’s okay if someone makes a little mistake or does things slightly differently than you, because I believe that you can figure it out later if such things happen.
I mentioned earlier that I’d usually end up taking the lead in most stuff. There were also a few times when I wasn’t. As I look back on those times when I was led by someone, it turns out that some of my friends, surprisingly, are also first-born daughters. Those are all in the same year as me (so it’s not about senior-junior levels, which clearly shows hierarchical interpersonal relationships). A big shoutout to Ila (ibhe), Beryl (bee), and Nevara (emak). When it comes to them, I feel like they can dominate me, and I can totally rely on them. I don’t know the real reason; you could say it’s just accidental, but what makes me sure is that they are first-born daughters too, with three or more siblings.
I’ve known them for around 10 years, and we’re still in touch till now. While it might be inappropriate to delve into their hardships here, as a friend, I can tell you they may have been through a lot. Even though I’m somewhat of an outsider, there are these touching moments when you can witness each other growing up over the years. All I can say is that they truly serve as great role models as big sisters. And I’ve learned a lot from them too. There are memories where I saw how they carry themselves for their family — helping their parents and being the real supporters at their siblings’ sports competitions, taking care of their siblings in everyday life and still building their own businesses, until going out at late late late night just to find a paper printing place for their sister’s school assignment for the next morning. They’re totally cool.
I know they might not seek acknowledgment as first-born daughters because they are simply powerful and good people. But, I just want to say.. thank you for living up to and being one of the best examples of a first-born daughter, maybe you can’t choose the birth order; that’s because you are the chosen one (:
I genuinely wish the best for them, especially when it comes to finding a life partner. I hope they find someone who can unveil their toughness, someone they can fully rely on. Someone who brings out their spoiled side, treats them like a little princess, yet respects them like a queen. Because they’re the type of people willing to give their best and go all-in, especially for someone they truly care about. Also, sending love to my other first-born daughter peers like Icha, Nisa, Itatina, Sandra, Echa, Amal, Erika, Kabzeel, and all the others I can’t even name ♡
For all the younger ones here, don’t forget to appreciate your first-born siblings, especially if we give some advice — please take it seriously. We do that because we really want you to be successful and make your journey easier, and sometimes we wish we had someone guiding us on the ‘how to’ but no older siblings were around to do that for us.
Last but not least, big thanks to everyone at home for putting up with our wild or somehow lil-bit-crazy-attitude especially when we’re in cleaning mode :D
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. If you have any advice on my writing or want to chat about the topics, feel free to reach out via email or Instagram. If there’s one thing I can ask… would you mind, for the next story coming up, reading it in the coziest position possible? I mean, hahaha, I would recommend reading my story at the end of the day, after you’ve finished all of your activities. Picture this: at night, after taking a shower and making a nice cup of hot coffee, tea, or cocoa (especially since it’s rainy season), then go to bed, wrap yourself in a blanket, and read this story while sipping on that warm drink. Sounds perfect right? That’s my little go-to cozy reading ritual, but feel free to do as you wish because everyone has their own way. However, it would be truly an honor if you follow my recommendation hehee. Thank you! ^^
Before you leave, if you haven’t checked out my Read Me First (click this) post, please do so. Once again thank you so much, and have a wonderful day (:
And today’s picked song:
Song by Kidsnot$aints., Madeline The Person, and thekid.ACE (scan or click this link)
- Disclaimer: not related to any current situation, just some good vibes music.
