Oh sh*t, I have to leave, I have to leave town.
I really don’t wanna screw up anyone’s life.
I’m used to hurting, holding my pain deep down.
But now, the pain is seeping out.
I hurt so much
I’m afraid I might run out of luck.
It had been easy to make friends and sleep around
But now I might have really screwed up my best friend’s life.
She’s supposed to marry her fiancee and be someone’s wife.
What do I know? I never had a relationship before…
I just try so hard to be a good friend.
I come from a screwed up family.
They threw me out
because their God can’t handle me being me.
Only my dad is willing to talk to me.
He understands I needed to be free.
I’m the son he never had…
Our time fishing and fixing the truck
are memories he won’t give up.
But he can’t stand up for me
and he can’t let the clan know he’s talking to me.
Where can I run to?
I would stay in LA and live the life if I could.
If only I could stop doing dumb things, hurting people I love
when I don’t mean to.
I gotta go back to the only other life I know
even if they hate the real me,
because they fear their God, they’re gonna have to let me
have a free room in the family house
somewhere to stay for now.
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A link to a poetry reading, with this poem recorded live at Akbar in Silverlake (Los Angeles, CA) gives you a more emotional read on the character Sophie — if she had a chance to really confess her feelings. Queer Slam, Episode 19 (starting around 8:40).
As a poet and performance artist, I have a confession booth I have set up a various special events, where people get to spill their guts and I help transform their feelings and ideas into a short poem. As we want to celebrate diversity, and as an Asian-American queer feminist lesbian woman of color who wants more from our media characters, I’m imagining what some TV and film characters would say if they got to confess how they really feel.
Here’s another confession poem from L-word character Sophie “About Dani” and another poem from Sophie about Finley.
And if you want something from “Crazy Rich Asians,” here is one from Rachel.
