HOW TO CHOOSE GRATITUDE OVER GRUDGE

6 min readAug 4, 2022

Gratitude and grudge are both states of feelings with piled up emotions twinned with them. Someone can have a grudge against a person they have known for the past ten years! Someone can be overjoyed to owe someone money for the past ten years! They have the same pattern of logic that includes time, but they vary according to the state of consciousness that they are in.

So the questions are:

Humans are imperfect creatures, is grudge and gratitude an undeniable emotion to everyone?
Is grudge really bad and gratitude good? Are they polar opposites?
Is grudge selfishness and gratitude selflessness?
Can one exist with the other?
How can you shift from grudge to gratitude?

But before that, let us define what is the difference between the two is:

Gratitude is affection through appreciation. On the other hand, a grudge is an aversion through resentment.

Humans have a tendency to cling to two things: either the map of their future or the memory of their past. Everything that occurred prior to the present and everything that may occur subsequent to the present; choose which side you prefer. Grudge is normal for a while, but when it starts to be a twin in your life that owes you years of happiness, it is bad. Gratitude is good and it is non-negotiable. Appreciation of abundance gives you more abundance, simple as that.

How can a grudge be selfishness? This is not selfishness toward the world, nor is it a situation in which the world is against you.It is selfishness toward oneself. Why would you deny yourself the feeling of joy and comfort? Why would you deny your soul peace? Grudges are not good because you are only making yourself suffer even more.

You can’t change people or life to be in constant favor of you! But you can control your mind to only let yourself be controlled by the things you allow it to.

An important line I always tell myself is that if it is out of your control, it is out of your concern.

WHY you should let go of a grudge:

Freedom.

When you let yourself be controlled by something bad that happened in your past, whether that be a person or an event, you are letting that shackle and define you. Humans are creatures that should develop and progress. You cannot be stuck because you will be in an uncomfortable situation and unable to be humane. Anger becomes your company, sadness becomes your comfort, and sorrow becomes your friend. Those are low-level human emotions that are normal! But holding onto those emotions would make you suffer.

Let go.

HOW can you let go of a grudge?

Forgive them. Forgive yourself.

Letting go of grudges feels so hard, I know. It is like invalidating the pain you’ve been through by that person or even letting it off the hook like nothing. But listen, do this for yourself. The world has eight billion people with eight billion lives and twice or more of that number of dreams. The universe is continuously expanding and growing. You shouldn’t be stuck in any memories of the past. Reminiscing is good, but dwelling in the past is not a good place to be stuck with.

You made some mistakes and they made some mistakes. Mistakes are normal because we are humans. You have to forgive them to be able to forgive you. For a month, focus on forgiveness. Then you’ll totally be free from the shackles of the past afterwards.

You don’t have to meet with that person to make peace with them. You can do this in 5 minutes.

Sit in a comfortable position with your spine straight.
Close your eyes and steady your breathing.
Imagine that person or event but focus on the positive qualities. Feel the connection, human to human.
Then set a time for 1 minute: then close your eyes again and imagine it again but this time dwell with the grudge and its cause whether pain and disappointment just let it flow. If you find yourself tearing up that is okay.
Steady your breathing by counting 20–1 or by reciting the alphabet backwards.
Now this time try to imagine a version of yourself. Try to really connect with that picture before saying this words : we forgive and now we are free.

MAPPING gratitude

So how do you exactly map gratitude in your life?

I would stress this advice so much because it worked for me and God knows how many people advocate this technique. Get a piece of paper and write down ten things you are grateful for every day. Do this with a feeling of tumultuous gratitude for what you listed! You won’t see a change on the first few days, but if you consistently do this, you’ll find why this is a hit trick for everyone who claims abundance in their life.

Second, be present in the now. When you spend your time scrolling through social media for most of your day, you’ll end up seeing and watching people through their posts. Social media is not real life, so when you see a person living their best life and then you feel bad because you don’t have anything going on in your life, stop. What is for you is for you. Start doing the things you love and be present by living life. Scrolling through social media is not living, it is existing. Live by setting small goals every day and just living.

Living is something more than just breathing. Living is experiencing life! Write a book, start a podcast, sell a skill on Fiverr, or do anything else that will help you grow! Because the moment you step out of the shadow, you’ll start seeking the sun even more. The gratitude just comes naturally.

FINAL WORDS

Mental programming is the best way to change your attitude and aptitude. If you haven’t tried shifting your mindset before and putting in the real work, it is best to say that you have a long way to go. You can start with a 20-minute daily meditation, journaling, or affirmation. Make a conscious effort to shift your mind to the positive side every time you catch it going back to your bad habits of thoughts.

If you want to feel good, think good. Be kind to yourself by letting your soul and your body flourish in health and positivity. What happened before is in the past and thus irrelevant. Heal yourself and stop making a slave of yourself out of vengeance for someone or something in your past.

My motto in life is “Healing is being and to be is to become.”

Heal all those negative emotions that have piled up in your heart. Let go of your sorrows, pain, and vengeance. Let it go because you love yourself. Become the best version of yourself and start today!

May the odds always be on your side.