A-Z of Emotions : D for Defiant
All things considered, I usually stay inside the lines. I don’t have tales of living dangerously. I have never skinny-dipped in a neighbour’s pool nor made out with a complete stranger. The most unusual place I have had sex is my .. actually let’s not talk about that. The answer is uninspiring. The point is, I am not much of a rule breaker or for living on the wild side.
Hello ladieessss
But, there have been few moments in my life where I have proudly refused to follow the rules. These acts of defiance have had life-changing consequences, some for the better and some for the worse. Let me tell you one of each.
DEFIANCE : THE GOOD
If you have been following along my story since the beginning , you should know that I grew up in India. It is a melting pot of culture, religion, chicken butter masala and censorship. This was worse in the 90s. A kissing scene was considered racy, and an actress showing a little bit of skin was blasphemous. Such was my sheltered existence.
And then came the year 1998 and a little movie called Titanic. Word on the street was the movie had a full on nude scene of this gorgeous British actress Kate Winslet. Oh yeah, there was also a massive sinking ship. Can you imagine what was going through this sheltered pubescent boy’s brain after hearing the words female nudity’? This was completely unexplored territory. Would it live up to the hype? I had no idea.
Unfortunately, the evil Indian censorship board had cut the nude scene from the theatrical release. Since this was pre-high speed internet and torrenting, I was out of luck on boob-action. BUT, a friend’s older brother had heard that an uncut version of the movie was playing at the local blue movie theatre. I had to go. I was 11 and driven by suppressed hormones.
A bunch of us snuck in through the back entrance. There weren’t too many people in the theatre. We sat up at the front, closest to the exit, just in case we had to make a run for it.
The movie began. I was in awe of Kate Winslet from the start. She was this gorgeous white redhead. I didn’t understand anything she said though. Her accent was hard to follow. Bare in mind, I was 11 and English was my second language. I was only there for one reason. Until this point, I hadn’t given the consequences of sneaking into a porn theatre underage any second thought. What would happen if we got caught? Would the theatre clerks report us to the police? Or worse would they call my parents? If my mom found out, she would beat the shit out of me. I was suddenly getting very nervous.
And then, at 1: 25:40 mark of the movie this happened..
The group collectively gasped. I was speechless. My mind and body went into shock. It was as if I was seeing light after 11 years of solitary confinement. A complete sensory overload. I didn’t even make it to the part where Leo finishes the painting. I rushed to exit and got out of the theatre. That was fucking awesome. I had seen a girl nude. I had climbed Mt Everest. How do you top this feeling? Was there anything else worth living for in this life? I could have died happy then. Fuck you Indian Censorship. Fuck you sheltered parenting.
I had seen a girl naked.
This was one of the examples where being defiant would come with some genuine payoff down the line but this was adequate for 11 year old Nilabjo. Keep an eye out for A-Z of Emotions : D for Defiant pt II, coming up tomorrow. This is where my defiance against my parents had horrible consequences, putting my life on hold for a full year.
Interested in following along?
Kindly hit the ‘Follow’ button above! Tap the 👏 button below! :)
