My Husband Said He Lost Feelings for Me (My Husband’s Feelings for Me Have Changed)

Nolan Ezra, Ph.D.
6 min readApr 3, 2024
Photo by Sherise Van Dyk on Unsplash

Have you ever felt like the ground beneath your feet shifted unexpectedly, leaving you unsure of where you stand? If you’re reading this, you might be facing a similar situation in your marriage. It’s not uncommon for partners to experience changes in their feelings over time. The dynamics of relationships can be complex, and emotions can ebb and flow like the tides. One of the most challenging moments is when your husband shares that he has lost feelings for you. This revelation can be heartbreaking and bewildering, but it’s also a moment that can lead to deeper understanding and growth in your relationship.

Recently, I received an email from a woman named Agnetha, who was deeply troubled by her husband’s confession that he had lost feelings for her. Agnetha and her husband, Robin, had been married for over a decade, sharing countless memories, dreams, and challenges. They had navigated through job changes, moves to new cities, and the joys and trials of raising children together. However, in the midst of their busy lives, something had shifted for Robin.

Agnetha described in her email how Robin’s words felt like a sudden earthquake, shaking the very foundation of their relationship. It wasn’t that they were in constant conflict or that there was a specific event that triggered this revelation. Instead, Robin expressed a sense of emotional distance and a lack of connection that had gradually crept into their interactions.

Despite Agnetha’s attempts to understand and salvage their bond, Robin seemed distant and withdrawn, leaving her feeling heartbroken and confused. She poured her heart out in the email, asking questions like, “How do I reconnect with my husband when he says he’s lost feelings for me?” and “Is there hope for us to rediscover the love we once had?”

Now, if you find yourself in a similar situation, where your spouse has expressed a change in their feelings towards you, it’s essential to take a step back and breathe. Emotions can run high in such moments, but reacting impulsively may not yield the best results. Instead, let’s explore some practical steps you can consider to navigate through this challenging time.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s important to start by acknowledging and validating your own feelings. When your spouse tells you they’ve lost feelings for you, it can be an incredibly painful and confusing experience. You might feel hurt, rejected, and even question your self-worth. These emotions are valid, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to feel them fully. Ignoring or suppressing your feelings can lead to resentment and emotional strain in the long run. Instead, create a safe space for yourself to express what you’re going through. Whether it’s journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply allowing yourself to cry, honor your emotions without judgment.

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, it’s essential to gain clarity on what they mean for you and your relationship. Reflect on how you’ve been impacted by your spouse’s words and actions. Are there underlying insecurities or fears that are surfacing? Understanding the root of your emotions can help you process them more effectively and communicate your needs to your spouse.

2. Seek Clarity Through Communication

Open and honest communication is key when facing a situation where your spouse’s feelings have changed. Approach the conversation with a genuine desire to understand their perspective rather than placing blame or seeking validation. Start by expressing your own feelings and observations in a non-confrontational manner. Use “I” statements to convey your emotions without sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I feel hurt and confused by what you’ve shared,” instead of, “You’ve hurt me by saying you’ve lost feelings for me.” This approach can create a more conducive environment for a constructive dialogue.

During the conversation, listen actively to your spouse’s words and emotions. Avoid interrupting or making assumptions about what they’re trying to convey. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to elaborate on their feelings and reasons behind their statement. For instance, ask, “Can you help me understand what led to this change in your feelings?” or “What do you envision for our relationship moving forward?” By fostering a respectful and empathetic exchange, you can gain valuable insights into where your spouse is coming from and explore potential paths for healing and growth together.

3. Reflect on the Relationship

After engaging in open communication with your spouse, take some time to reflect on your relationship as a whole. Consider the moments that brought you together initially, the challenges you’ve overcome together, and the values and goals you share. Reflecting on the positive aspects of your relationship can help counterbalance the negative emotions you may be experiencing. It can also remind both of you of the deep connection and history you’ve built over time.

In your reflections, be honest with yourself about any areas of improvement or unresolved issues within the relationship. Are there communication patterns that need addressing? Are there unmet needs or expectations that have contributed to the current situation? Identifying areas for growth can pave the way for constructive conversations with your spouse about how to strengthen your bond moving forward. Additionally, consider seeking input from trusted friends or family members who know you and your relationship well. Sometimes, an outside perspective can offer valuable insights and support.

4. Focus on Self-Care

Amidst the emotional turbulence of discovering that your spouse’s feelings have changed, prioritizing self-care is crucial. Make self-care practices a priority in your daily routine, whether it’s through physical activities like exercise or yoga, engaging in creative outlets like painting or writing, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. Taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being will not only help you cope with the challenges at hand but also contribute to a healthier mindset and resilience in navigating the complexities of your relationship.

Additionally, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor if you find yourself struggling to cope with the emotional impact of the situation. Therapy can provide a safe and confidential space to explore your feelings, gain coping strategies, and work through any underlying issues that may be affecting your relationship dynamics. Remember, investing in your own well-being is not selfish but essential for fostering a strong foundation for personal growth and relationship growth alike.

5. Reignite Connection

Take proactive steps to reignite the emotional connection and intimacy in your marriage. Engage in activities that bring joy and laughter into your relationship, whether it’s trying new hobbies together or revisiting shared interests from the past. Show appreciation and affection towards each other through small gestures of kindness and love. By prioritizing your emotional connection, you create a foundation of closeness and warmth that can help bridge any emotional gaps that have developed.

Additionally, communication plays a crucial role in reigniting connection. Share your thoughts and feelings with your husband openly and honestly, and encourage him to do the same. Create a safe space where both of you feel heard and understood, fostering an environment of mutual trust and emotional intimacy.

Facing a shift in your husband’s feelings can be incredibly challenging, but it’s not the end of the road. By acknowledging your emotions and communicating openly you can navigate this difficult time with grace and resilience. Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, and it’s how we respond to challenges that defines the strength of our bond. You have the power to shape the future of your marriage, one step at a time.

If you’ve found the insights and advice in this article helpful, and you’re looking for more guidance, then it’s time to take the next step. Click here to access additional tips and strategies to help you navigate relationship challenges and cultivate a stronger, more loving connection with your partner.

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Don’t let uncertainty and doubt cloud your relationship’s potential for growth and happiness. Take a proactive step today towards understanding and nurturing your love with practical insights and actionable strategies. Click right here to discover effective ways to navigate challenges and strengthen your bond with your partner.

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Nolan Ezra, Ph.D.

Marriage and Family Therapist. I am passionate about helping couples navigate the challenges they face and strengthen their relationships.