“9 life lessons that I forgot and how they led me to fall into abuse”
Take this as a refresher course to change course.
I could give you a lot of ‘lists’ of red flags to look out for in people. There are so many lists out there to help with that. I decided that the better thing to do is to give you reasons why you shouldn’t let yourself enable, accommodate or overlook red flags.
You can Read more about my abuse here.
- I forgot that the pursuit of someone else’s love was nowhere as important as my own love of myself. If you count on people to love you so you will be whole, what happens when they are not there? What happens when they don’t love you right?
2. I forgot that if I gained someone by losing me, I still lost.
3. I forgot that the one you give everything to keep, will still leave you because they cannot love a shell.
4. I forgot that no one person should be my absolute life’s ‘sensei’. Everyone is still figuring something out and what they believed yesterday night could be different in the light of the next day.
5. I forgot that their character was more important than “I have feelings for them”
6. I forgot that being moulded into anyone’s image essentially makes me their toy to do with as they wished and to put away when they were tired.
7. I forgot that those who tell you white lies will still tell you all colours of lies. I also forgot that those who mistreat others will soon alienate them all and then, they will turn their sights on you.
8. I forgot that seeking someone else’s validation is a form of self-hostage because- what happens when they never validate you or if they stop validating you?
9. I forgot that I was a person and I mattered. I forgot I was important and lovely and loveable- and if it was just to me, that was enough.
I hope as you go bravely through this new year, that you always remind yourself that you are intelligent, deserving of good things and good friends and a good life. I hope you remember to advocate for you always and not enable bad people to hurt you. I hope that you can remind yourself that negative is not a good default system for your life and I hope you end the year with a big bang!
Thank you for reading. Happy New Year and See You!
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
