Share Chores? 5 Mind-blowing Differences In Western and African Relationships.

Someone say boundaries?

Pexels.com/blue bird

Pardon me but, did I hear that couples in the West split chores? Some even do an outrageous 50/50 split? Someone give me tissue paper as I weep and tell you how the Western ways are strange.

1. Be a submissive bangmaid: Before you are deemed worthy for an African man to put a ring on it, you must be courted. Courtship is simple- you show yourself worthy by being a good bangmaid. You clean his house, wash his clothes, cook for him and be ready to welcome his glorious dick whenever he wants you to. You want to be married right? This is the way. If his parents live close by, you show that you are wife material by doing the same at their own house- you cook for his parents, clean their home and smile through all boundary stomping. (Every other day is a meme on “wife material”. There is a reason) This bangmaid situationship does not stop after marriage. Whether you are the CEO of the biggest company in the country, whether you return from work later than your partner, you are expected to take on all household chores, serve your partner food before and after work- preferably in front of the TV, bring out water for him to wash his hands, clean up after him, all while prepping the children. Don’t worry, African women are superheroes who dare not complain because then everyone will know you were only pretending to be a superhero so he puts a ring on it. Imagine that shame. Why are Western couples sharing chores? Are their women not superheroes?
2. Western couples have this crazy thing called boundaries. For instance, people (family and relatives) have to call them on the phone before showing up on their doorstep. *insert shock emoji* cos, Crazy!!! In an African relationship, what boundaries? Your mother-in-law wants to come unannounced everyday and you must take care of her? Smile. Your father-in-law wants to name your name, smile. Your brother-in-law wants to move in for an undetermined time? Smile! Your sister-in-law wants to come the day you put to bed, see the newborn, kiss the newborn against your wish, then stay for 3 months? Smile. What do you mean by, You can’t do it? Smile!
3. Dates??? Western couples talk about going on dates. They plan simple to elaborate surprises for their partner? The men can split chores with you and still schedule ‘take partner for date’ on a weekly or monthly basis? Plan a getaway to spend time with his partner? How can a man look his partner in the face and still do that after she made him do chores? And hold on, his parents did not come for an intervention? How can an African couple do this when the man works (you do too), helps out by ‘babysitting’ your children, and occasionally, says ‘hi’ to the in-laws when you call them on the phone and he is nearby? Now you want dates? Talk about women’s needs being insatiable. You must not know the difference between “I love you” and “I am in charge of you!”

Quite like this- the goals are different.

4. Be Sexy/Want Sex/Switch thing up in the bedroom: So says the Western couple. Welcome to Africa where there is only one sex position and that is- whatever the hell your partner wants. How dare you ask your partner to study more on sex so he can satisfy you? How dare you even talk about sex? You are obviously irresponsible and promiscuous. No well behaved woman knows anything about sex beyond satisfying her partner. From our religious leaders, to celebrities to public figures, the disdain towards going down on a woman, sex to satisfy a woman, or women’s orgasm is alarming. Sex = male satisfaction. Think I exaggerate, Google is your friend.

5. Stay-at-home-what?: LOL. I see this Western trend because of the high cost of childcare. Depending on what is best for the Western couple, the man or woman can temporarily or permanently become a SAHP (Stay-at-home-parent). Haha. Here in Africa, even if you earn more than your partner, if someone must give up their job- NOT him. First of all, how dare you put a label on it? He is jobless? Transfer money to his account so you ‘hide his shame’. Give money to him under the table in restaurants so you ‘hide his shame’. People have eyes but No One must ever know from your conduct that your partner is jobless. In public, it is his right to shout up and down about how he takes care of you and pays all your bills. Praise him because then people will know that you have a good man. How many men take care of their partner? But you? In private, do all the chores (see number 1), because he is tired from all that public boasting he did.

Disclaimer: Now I know I used a lot of he(yes, this is Africa and yes, this is the male/female relationship dynamic). Also, I see some African couples who try but I dare say- they are in the 1%.

Thank you for reading. Did you know- I was in a love triangle and loved it!

My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?