Talia Argondezzi – Medium

Talia Argondezzi

Talia Argondezzi
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Don’t Worry, My Dog Doesn’t Bite

He scratches, he slobbers, he humps, and he’s such a good boy. By Margie Connor and Talia Argondezzi

3 min readApr 3, 2024

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A smiling woman holding a dog like a baby while the dog licks her on the mouth.

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Slackjaw

A Date? Not For All The Tea In China

To be honest, I’m not at all convinced of your ability to procure that much tea.

3 min readApr 2, 2024

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A Date? Not For All The Tea In China

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Talia Argondezzi
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Then God and His Staff Sort of Created February

And God saw that it was good. No, wait, nobody ever thought February was good.

3 min readFeb 1, 2024

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Then God and His Staff Sort of Created February

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Slackjaw

There’s Only One Way To Solve A Problem Like Maria: Exploit That Weird Little Nun For All She’s…

Exposing the unholy alliance between the Reverend Mother and Captain Von Trapp.

4 min readMay 23, 2023

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Two nuns. Julie Andrews plays Maria, who is on her knees, gazing into the distance with a distressed look on her face. Peggy Wood plays the Reverend Mother, who is standing above Maria, frowning menacingly.

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Slackjaw

Jesus Christ’s Easter Weekend Out Of Office Auto-Reply

After 3pm on Friday, I will have limited access to email because I’ll be dead.

3 min readApr 7, 2023

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A white cave with a white boulder pushed aside. Inside the cave, text reads, “He is not here.”

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Slackjaw

Why I, The Real Estate Novelist From “Piano Man,” Never Had Time For A Wife

Also: stop sitting at the bar and putting bread in Billy Joel’s jar. It’s gross.

4 min readOct 9, 2022

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Photograph of an earnest-looking man wearing glasses sitting at a desk writing on paper with a pen.

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Slackjaw

Sophie B. Needs To Grow The Fuck Up And Admit That Santa Is Real

Enough with the conspiracy theories, Soph.

4 min readDec 12, 2021

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Santa Claus sits in an easy chair while smoking a fat cigar and drinking a tumbler of whiskey

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Talia Argondezzi
in
Frazzled

Convince Your Toddler to Eat Veggies and Americans to Accept the Vaccine with This One Weird Trick

“There are many reasons eligible people are not vaccinated. Surveys have indicated that some people are adamant in their refusal of the…

3 min readDec 2, 2021

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Convince Your Toddler to Eat Veggies and Americans to Accept the Vaccine with This One Weird Trick

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Talia Argondezzi
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Sorry, Phil, I Just Don’t Like You Like That. Because You’re a Houseplant.

I mean, you don’t have feelings for me, do you? Right, no, of course not! Glad we’re on the same page.

3 min readAug 24, 2021

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Sorry, Phil, I Just Don’t Like You Like That. Because You’re a Houseplant.

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Talia Argondezzi
in
The Belladonna Comedy

It’s Literally Impossible to Lower Executive Salaries, So We are Raising Burrito Prices Instead

You’re addicted to burritos and I’m addicted to making 1,000 times my average employee, so this works out perfectly.

4 min readJun 14, 2021

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It’s Literally Impossible to Lower Executive Salaries, So We are Raising Burrito Prices Instead

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Talia Argondezzi

Talia Argondezzi

Writing professor at Ursinus College. Writing available at Points in Case, New Yorker, McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Slackjaw.

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