Charming Bullies and Their Flying Monkeys — Definitions Explained
Bullies (toxic or malignant narcissists) all possess the same key characteristics:
- Lack of empathy.
- Tendency to gaslight (deny, deflect, avoid).
- Refusal to take responsibility.
- Abuse of power (oppression).
All humans will occasionally demonstrate some of these behaviors, especially when under stress (triggered or activated). With bullies, the behaviors become chronic (traits) to the point that the bully is incapable of seeing the harm that they are inflicting on those around them. The more power a bully has (in the form of flying monkeys), the greater the damage done.
Charming Bullies (covert-narcissists) possess a form of malignant narcissism that is insidious due to the fact that the deception and manipulation is behind a mask of apparent benevolence and good intentions. Charming Bullies possess all the same four characteristics above, but they hide the abusiveness so well that they themselves are often totally unaware that they are causing harm. They are rarely called out and so their victims suffer the severe consequences of covert chronic abuse for years on end. Charming Bullies are ALWAYS the leaders of Cults and Cultish Groups. Bill Clinton is a perfect example of a covert narcissist.
Cult = A false or fake system based on propaganda set forth by the founders (toxic narcissists). A group of people who follow the ideology of charismatic, fraudulent leaders without question.
Overt Narcissist = Donald Trump. There is nothing hidden or covert about the harmful behaviors of overt bullies. Ultimately Overt Narcissists are much safer for intelligent humans than covert bullies are because we KNOW not to trust them. Overt Narcissists are rarely the leaders of Cults because most people can see right through their facades. Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, etc. are the major exceptions, however ALL of these men (Overt Narcissistic leaders are almost exclusively men) started out as Covert Narcissists that became powerful only due to the toxicity of their legions of Flying Monkeys.
Flying Monkeys = supporters and defenders of the Charming Bullies. There are two types:
- Toxic Flying Monkeys (TFMs) = Like Charming Bullies, TFMs possess a high degree of toxic narcissism. They are puppets to the bullies and do the bidding of their masters without even being asked (Hillary Clinton is a TFM to Bill Clinton and many others). TFMs are the leaders of their own toxic communities, but they are always subservient to their own masters. TFMs can be overt (Tucker Carlson) or covert (Kamala Harris).
- Clueless-Naive Flying Monkeys (CFMs) = CFMs tend to possess less toxic narcissism than TFMs, but their major failing is their lack of healthy narcissism (self-protection). CFMs are always covert. They have no sense of Self and tend to live in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. They do the bidding of their masters even though it causes them severe discomfort. CFMs are the vulnerable souls who fill our psychiatric wards and therapists’ offices. Most mental health professionals are CFMs who struggle their entire lives with cognitive dissonance. They are the victims of their own Charming Bullies. Monica Lewinsky prior to her recovery from the horrific societal betrayal that we inflicted, is the most famous example of a CFM. Monica Lewinsky post recovery is the most effective anti-bullying advocate in society. Victims always make the best advocates because they develop self-compassion and empathy during their healing journeys.
Toxic Narcissism = weak ego, lack of empathy, inability to take responsibility. The result of toxic shame in childhood.
Healthy Narcissism = Fierce (yang) Compassion = protective, providing, motivating component of compassion. The result of secure attachment in childhood or a great deal of self-discovery as an adult.
Cognitive Dissonance = the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
Trait = Enduring and long-lasting characteristic that is difficult or impossible to change without intensive self-exploration (as opposed to a state which is a temporary, changeable behavior or feeling).
Gaslight = projective identification = projecting unbearable toxic shame outward = the use of thought-terminating phrases and manipulative behavior to silence and control a victim. The goal of gaslighting is to create such severe cognitive dissonance in another human being that they question reality and ultimately their own sanity.
Toxic Shame = Shame that lives deep in the soul of a person who has experienced narcissistic abuse, often in childhood. Toxic shame is so unbearable that those who have it will invariably project it outwards onto other human beings — causing ripples of trauma throughout communities.
Triggered = activated, sometimes referred to as an “amygdala hijacking” = an emotional response that is immediate, overwhelming, and out of measure with the actual stimulus because it has triggered a much more significant emotional threat.
Trauma Response = A response to a traumatic event or the memory of a traumatic event, whether or not we have conscious memory of the event. There are four trauma responses: Fight (narcissism — bullying), Flight (escape, distraction — ADHD, OCD, anxiety, addiction…), Freeze (shut-down — depression), and Fawn (people-pleasing, codependence — loss of Self, servitude).
Betrayal = Violation of a person’s trust or confidence, or of a moral standard. Societal or Institutional Betrayal is when an entire community of Charming Bullies and their Flying Monkeys single out one person or a group of people to serve as Scapegoat.
Scapegoat = Often referred to as The Identified Patient, the Scapegoat is a person (or group of people) who is/are blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, especially for reasons of expediency.
Identified Patient = a person who emerges from abusive, dysfunctional, or chaotic family [or societal] backgrounds where they faced early childhood adversity — and they can come from families that weren’t so outwardly dysfunctional.
Without power, Charming Bullies can do little damage. With power (usually money but often just influence if they have enough Flying Monkeys), Charming Bullies can be deadly.
Unfortunately, bullies tend to raise bullies, which is why we are experiencing a pandemic of mental health struggles — virtually every human being on the planet is either a bully and/or the victim of a bully. Covid-19 was just a catalyst that spurred the Charming Bullies of the world into high gear. Our pandemic of toxic narcissism (in the form of an out-of-control patriarchy) is far more dangerous to our world than any virus.
Until we can get a handle on the severe transgenerational trauma from toxic narcissism that we’ve been experiencing for decades, we will continue to spiral out of control as an empathy-less, compassion-less, ego-less, toxic global society.
If you think Mother Earth is at risk mainly due to climate change, you are sorely mistaken.
The greatest threat to Mother Earth is humans and our LACK OF HUMANITY.
What are you going to do today to change YOUR world?
What are you going to do to help others change OUR world for the better?
Tomorrow is too late. We need to start making better choices today.
