Cognitive Dissonance is the Result of Gaslighting (Narcissistic Abuse)
If you ever feel as if you’re walking on eggshells, you are not emotionally safe.
Be very wary of people and situations that trigger a feeling of eggshells. Trust your intuition. Your gut is trying to communicate with you.
Eggshells is a gut feeling that something isn’t right. It is our intuition trying to get our attention. In psychological terms, the discomfort of eggshells is called cognitive dissonance. The dissonance (confusion) is an indication that we are not safe and that boundaries are in order. When we ignore our intuition (or have been programmed not to trust it), we are in danger of harm.
Cognitive dissonance is the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
The feeling of walking on eggshells is the result of gaslighting. It is a salience cue telling us that change is needed.
Salience comes from the latin word salire, “to leap.” A salience cue is something that jumps out at us — a stimulus that is novel or special in some way. When we ignore a salience cue (such as a feeling of discomfort that “triggers” us) the discomfort increases and leads to the confusion of cognitive dissonance.
Confusion = lack of focus = difficulty with attention… is a major symptom of every single mental health “disorder.” It is the primary symptom of ADHD.
Gaslighting (invalidation, projective identification) is something we all do and something we are all victims of. It comes from a place of shame and results in greater shame. The overuse of thought-terminating clichés is the biggest indicator of gaslighting. Self-gaslighting is pandemic and a cause of our severe global mental health crisis.
Thought-Terminating Clichés (phrases)“The most far-reaching and complex of human problems are compressed into brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed. These become the start and finish of any ideological analysis.”
- It is what it is.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- We’re all human.
- Take the best and leave the rest.
- It’s a difference of opinion.
- Everyone makes mistakes.
Self-awareness lies in recognizing that gaslighting is universal. In order to stop gaslighting ourselves and others, we need to realize when and why we are doing it and change our behavior.
Recovery, healing, awakening, rebirth, enlightenment, self-actualization is not possible while in a haze of cognitive dissonance. The key ingredient to escaping the fog of confusion is behavior change.
The only way to change a behavior is to understand what behaviors need to be changed and why. It’s simple, but not easy.
I’ve finally found my way out of the prison of cognitive dissonance that I’d lived in for 57 years of my life. It’s an enormous relief. I hope to guide others out of the haze of confusion so they can see the light of a life of sustainable wholeness.
Sustainable wholeness means a life of balance, compassion, and continual growth. We can all have it if we do the work, but we can’t do it alone.
We are all wounded in relationship with others and must heal in relationship with others. This is the common humanity component of compassion.
“Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships.” — Judith Herman
