The Cult of Bessel Van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score
I thought it was just me, but I was relieved to find out that it’s not. We all need validation when we have been traumatized by someone who claimed to be helping us. “Take the best and leave the rest” turns out to be a load of gaslighting BS. I wouldn’t recommend TBKS to anyone. There are much better options (see bottom of article).
Here are others who have experienced BVDK as I have.
Fall from Grace: The Worship of Clinical Leaders
Bessel van der Kolk, Scientific Dishonesty & the Mysterious Disappearing Coauthor
Allegations of employee mistreatment roil renowned Brookline trauma center
I’m so sorry that happened to you
Meet the famous author at center of trauma-program controversy
Hoping to discuss allegations against Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Author of The Body Keeps the Score
In two short years I went from never having heard of BVDK to loyal groupie to disillusioned victim. Now that I’m safely out of the cult (almost 2 years later) I want to be a whistleblower. If you’ve been harmed by BVDK or any of his Flying Monkeys or by any other cultish leader / practitioner, I’d love to hear from you. Unless we stand up together, the bullies will continue to win, and the rest of us will continue to live in fear and shame.
Guilt is about what we did (behavior)
Shame is about who we are (identity, ego)
Escape from the vicious shame spiral means turning the shame to guilt and then letting go of the guilt by changing our behavior. The first step in any recovery is discovering the source of our shame. For me, that first step led to the realization that the root of all my shame lay in years of foolishly trusting men (and many women) just like BVDK.
This is what I’ve discovered on my healing journey.
There are five types of people who pay any attention to Bessel van der Kolk (and any other cultish leaders):
- His groupies (clueless/naive flying monkeys) — vulnerable and desperate people looking for answers, a shame-based trauma response (fawn) due to lack of confidence in their own instincts.
- His supporters/defenders (toxic flying monkeys) — professionals who naively (or intentionally) follow his lead despite the red flags of toxic narcissism, a shame-based trauma response (fight) due to ignoring their instincts and denying/avoiding the cause of their own trauma/shame.
- His victims — mostly women, mostly privileged, mostly previous groupies who have fallen for his charm and charisma only to feel intensely betrayed when his mask slips, a shame-based trauma response due to having allowed narcissistic abuse, yet again.
- His toxically narcissistic critics — other toxic narcissists who project their own toxic shame at him in an endless game of holding up mirrors to each other while never looking into the mirror themselves, a shame-based response due to lack of self-awareness.
- His healthily narcissistic critics — professionals with self-confidence and self-awareness who have the compassion to see the traumatized children behind the masks of people with unhealthy narcissism, a wisdom-based response TO trauma (not a trauma response).
The millions of people who don’t know or don’t care about BVDK either don’t have significant trauma (shame) or are too afraid to explore it if they do.
Consider any dangerous cult you’ve ever heard of and you will notice similarities between all of them and BVDK’s Trauma Research Foundation.
The biggest red flags of cultish groups are:
- Leaders who cannot be questioned / critiqued.
- The presence of members (in-group) and defectors (out-group).
- The collective scapegoating (silencing, gaslighting) of the out-group.
- Denial of an obvious hierarchy and cover-up of obvious conflict (power struggles) amongst those trying to maintain control.
- Cognitive dissonance amongst all leaders, members, and supporters.
The greater the manipulation, the greater the shame, and the greater the shame, the greater the cognitive dissonance.
Shame is at the heart of all of our trauma responses, of which there are only four: flight (escape), fight (bully), freeze (shut down), fawn (people-please).
All mental health struggles can be described in the context of these four responses to toxic shame (complex-trauma). Shame is the result of unhealthy narcissism and only dissipates when we face it head on and learn to nurture healthy narcissism (fierce self-compassion) as a replacement.
How is it possible that the premier trauma researcher in the world doesn’t understand these dynamics? I believe an unhealthy ego is at play.
When I first heard about The Body Keeps the Score in 2020 I was attending an intensive outpatient psychiatric treatment program after a devastating (mis)diagnosis of bipolar disorder rule/out borderline personality disorder at the ripe old age of 55. Talk about cognitive dissonance! Medical professionals, my family, and my entire social circle of friends was trying to convince me that I had developed a genetic brain disorder in my mid-50s despite a lifetime of emotional stability, being an awesome mother, a caring daughter, and a successful nurse. Reading TBKTS was a breath of fresh air. I didn’t have a chemical imbalance. I had a history of complex-trauma.
I was hooked. BVDK became my hero. I followed his advice and went down every rabbit hole he presented. I experienced the classic two steps forward, one step back of everyone in recovery. It was slow and painful, but I felt like I was moving in basically the right direction. By the fall of 2021 I’d made a cross-country move back to the Boston area where I’d grown up. I was thrilled to be closer to Bessel and TRF and signed up for multiple courses, conferences, and ultimately an expensive week-long retreat with Bessel and his wife Licia Sky at Kripalu in July 2022.
I hadn’t yet done a deep dive into cults by that point, and I missed every single red flag — of which there were countless. I was so taken by the healing power of the retreat that I foolishly signed up for an expensive Neurofeedback Training course through TRF despite my skepticism that NF was an effective treatment modality. I admit it, as a well-educated, science-based, trauma-informed nurse, I ignored my instincts and put my trust in an obvious charlatan. I was so eager to trust that I refused to consider BVDK’s critics until it was too late.
The obvious gaslighting in the first few weeks of the NF training course was just the wake-up call that I needed. At first my direct questions were met with obfuscation and half-truths. The more I persisted, the more I was ignored — and then silenced. The TRF was more than happy for me to drop out of the course, but they were reluctant to offer a refund. I had to fight to get most of my money back. It was insane.
The trauma of having to stand up to a trauma expert in order to be treated fairly almost broke me.
I was disgusted by their response and tried to let them know of my pain. They did not care — not in the LEAST.
They just wanted me gone.
Too bad for them. I’m still here — stronger and more confident than ever after figuring out their dangerous game. I’m now grateful to them for making their toxic narcissism so obvious. It’s made it easier to catch it sooner when I encounter other charlatans peddling cures without the necessary wisdom and compassion to actually do good.
Seeing BVDK as an expert in trauma is akin to seeing President Bill Clinton as an expert in women’s rights. Cult leaders are the definition of toxic leadership. I’ve learned to steer clear of any blowhard who doesn’t have the courage to answer honest questions with dignity and grace. I feel so sorry for all the people who remain under Bessel’s and The Clintons’ spell. For their own sakes, I hope the victims wake up to the Truth and learn to put themselves and their own needs before the desires (wants) of their false prophets.
The masks need to come off, and when they do, look out! Exposed bullies are the most dangerous kind. They will take everyone down with them if they don’t get their way.
I’ll close with this review I found of the TBKTS by an anonymous wise woman of color. She offers alternatives that are far more healing in their obvious compassion.
Huge trigger warning for this book! It can be retraumatizing and it’s from a very white Eurocentric perspective. The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild, The Body Never Lies by Alice Miller or My Grandmothers Hands by Resmaa Menakem are all good substitutes.
