I Like a Strong Woman, Just Not One Who’s a Dick
Strong women. It’s a phrase that evokes some interesting connotations in a man’s head, depending on the man in question, of course. What that means to men and women alike is certainly up for debate, particularly when it comes to men’s preferences in marriage material.
From my straight white male perspective, there are a variety of facets to being a strong woman. To be blunt, I find pretty much all of them attractive. What I don’t find attractive is when being a “strong woman” is used as an excuse to be a full-on asshole. Ain’t no one got time for that.
What is a Strong Woman?
If you take a gander at the good ol’ internet, you’ll find a lot of different definitions for what makes a strong woman. Some people focus on physical attributes while others lean into mental and emotional ones. In reality, both are right.
When I look at it from my limited perspective, I see a strong woman as someone who has intelligence, humor, determination, and character. She is someone who is confident in herself and her place in the world. She is in control of her feminine energy as well as her masculine energy.
To me, that strength can also come from a physical place. I have no problem with a woman whose physical appearance is representative of who she is on the inside. Muscles? Great. Tattoos and piercings? Cool. If that’s who you are and you’re honest with yourself, I’ll happily wife you up.
A strong woman unapologetically is who she is and I find that incredibly attractive, largely because that kind of confidence often comes with honesty and good communication skills. Given how my ex-wife treated me during our marriage, it’s no surprise I’d value those qualities.
What a Strong Woman Isn’t
Being a strong woman is, without question, attractive. Using that strength to bully your partner isn’t. That’s a mistake I see being made all too frequently by supposedly strong women who believe they have to dominate their relationships to truly be strong.
A tour through social media in general will quickly turn up a lot of bad advice from people telling women that strength is power and power should be used. Regardless of which side it’s coming from, these types of imbalances lead to problems in relationships.
Frankly, too many “strong women” just end up being giant dicks to their partners. That’s the nice way of saying they become mentally and emotionally abusive in their quest to exert their strength. More often than we want to admit, those women can also become physically abusive.
There’s a very fine line between strength and power, and it’s just as easy for women to find themselves on the wrong side of that line as it is men. Slipping into abusive patterns is dangerous for everyone involved, particularly since real strength does not need to be cruel.
True Strength
Strength of character is difficult to achieve and harder to maintain, but it’s a quality that strong people of any gender have in common. If you have found a truly strong woman, she will certainly be that kind of person. Why? Because dicks and assholes alike lack character, regardless of gender.
I’m not going to judge a woman because she has tattoos, piercings, or whatever else. I’m far more interested in how she’s going to treat me. A truly strong woman can maintain her individuality while also treating her partner with empathy, dignity, and respect.
I have been in a relationship with a woman who perceived herself as strong but did not temper it with any of the attributes listed above. It was exhausting for me on every conceivable level. I was stuck in an abusive relationship and didn’t know it. I was just focused on survival.
Any man who can’t appreciate a truly strong woman does not deserve her. Enjoy your gold-diggers, hoes, and princesses. I’m looking for someone who is a comfortable taking care of me as she is letting me take care of her. And I don’t mind if she has a hell of a bench press, either.
