If a Marriage Needs to Be Saved, It’s Not Worth Saving
For a lot of people, getting married is a huge life goal. Finding a partner and spending the rest of your time on Earth together is absolutely everything. Kids may or may not be part of the equation, but finding the one certainly is.
In reality, many marriages don’t last. There are a seemingly endless number of reasons for this. One thing these situations have in common is hanging on just makes it worse. Sometimes, a marriage has to come to an end for everyone involved to even have a chance at happiness.
Why Get Married to Get Divorced?
Falling in love can be a beautiful thing. You meet someone, those pheromones go off, and that person just becomes irresistible to you. If everything goes well, you find yourself in a long-term relationship and maybe even eventually get married.
The problem with that seeing the same person day in and day out for the rest of your life is f@#$ing hard. Loving someone with all of your heart doesn’t stop them from driving you completely nuts. It’s amazing how quickly those pheromones wear off.
Adult relationships where you accept your partner for who they are, treasure their faults, and learn to communicate effectively are the ones that go the distance. That’s real love and support. The other relationships don’t have that. They can go sideways quickly.
Recognizing this before you get married is incredibly difficult. Why? F@#$ing pheromones blind you to reality. Once it’s time for things to come to an end, get that divorce and move on because some relationships just are not going to work out. It sucks, but here we are.
Let It Go
Look, it’s hard to know when to tap out on a marriage. For at least one of the partners in the relationship, every fiber of their being is telling them to fight as hard as they can to save it. Unfortunately, the other person often isn’t as invested in it and is pretty much done.
The weird part is that the person still fighting really wants the divorce whether they know it or not. And the person who was already one foot out the door ends up realizing they still had one foot in the door for a reason. In Divorce Land, nothing is ever as black and white as it seems.
When a marriage isn’t working and no one knows what they want, that’s a good sign this s#!t is done. All you can do is wipe your butt, flush the toilet, and wash your hands of the whole thing before you leave. That only seems like a bad analogy if you’ve never been divorced.
That being said, fighting to save a bad marriage can be more traumatizing than the experience of being in a bad marriage. The amount of damage that struggle can do to you, your partner, and your children, if you have them, is almost impossible to fathom and well worth avoiding.
Bet On Yourself
A big reason people fight to save bad marriages is because they are scared of life on the outside. They’re afraid they are going to end up like Brooks Hatlen in The Shawshank Redemption. Sadly, it happens. But most people end up like Red and find their way through the hard days.
It’s no simple task but you need to bet on yourself. No one is suggesting that you jump into a frivolous divorce to go out with friends and chase anonymous sex. At the same time, don’t be afraid to bet on yourself and that you can find a better life in divorce.
Maybe you and your partner will have an acrimonious separation. Maybe it will go smoothly. Regardless, you will hopefully never have to see this person again. Guess what? You’ll likely never have to see the marriage version of you in mirror ever again, either.
Nothing will ever be perfect but you can build a real, happy life for yourself after divorce, one that is a better fit for you. There’s nothing honorable or logical about fighting to save a bad marriage. Save your sanity. Save your mental health. Save your life. When it’s time, tap out.
