A phrase caught my ear and sent me down a rabbit hole
Ginger Floerchinger-Franks was interviewed for The New York Times last Monday about her Thanksgiving plans. She usually hosts 10 at her home in Boise, but this year, she swapped a few dishes between houses and everyone ate together over a Zoom potluck.
“This is kind of like an adventure,” she told The Times.
The article continues on, interviewing people in the way Thanskgiving articles do — slices of different lives assembled like a combination cheesecake. What stuck with me, though, was the phrase.
“This is kind of like…
To buy a muffin at full price 30 minutes before closing requires a certain type of chump.
To buy a muffin at full price 30 minutes before closing requires a certain type of chump. To visit a bakery in the evening, notice the remaining muffins are all the same kind, and not picture the chorus of previous customers saying “no,” “oh, no,” and “oh dear God no” is another kind of chump. …
Dear Mr. Zimmerman, Thank you for your recent e-mail regarding your idea for writing about our StarKist Class Action Lawsuit.
Dear Mr. Zimmerman,
Thank you for your recent e-mail regarding your idea for writing about our StarKist Class Action Lawsuit.
We are very flattered that you’ve chosen our product as the focus of your idea. Unfortunately, we have to decline your kind offer. Our company has exclusive contracts. Due to the nature of the current legal and business environment, our Company has chosen not to accept any advertising, promotional, or marketing ideas from non-employees of our company or advertising agencies.
…
When I lean on my Wayfair couch in my favorite way, curled up like I’m asleep in the womb, I can see a grocery store where people with once-strange masks wait in line six feet apart.
When I lean on my Wayfair couch in my favorite way, curled up like I’m asleep in the womb, I can see a grocery store where people with once-strange masks wait in line six feet apart.
The other stores on the block closed at their own speed: first a bar, then a brokerage firm, then a Mediterrean restaurant switched to take-out only and removed…
I live alone in New York, which means my bed is in my kitchen and I haven’t made eye contact in a month.
“Breaking up with your phone….means prioritizing real-life relationships over those that take place on screen.” — Catherine Price, Breaking Up With Your Phone
“Online interactions aren’t just different from real-world interactions; they’re measurably worse.” — Adam Alter, Irresistible
“If you only ever spend time online a part of you withers away,” Hillary Cash, clinical psychologist
I live alone in New York, which means my bed is in my kitchen and I haven’t made eye contact in a…
The only comprehensive ranking of all of 2019 on the entire internet
365. October 21
364. November 13
363. March 26
362. December 2
361. March 4
360. July 14
359. November 23
358. May 28
357. November 17
356. March 8
355. January 28
354. March 24
353. June 13
352. November 30
351. July 26
350. October 27
349. February 9
348. September 3
347. April 5
346. May 15
345. March 9
344. November 27
343. November 18
342. November 15
341. July 18
340. June 25
339. July 6
338. December 28
337. July 28
336…
A comedian’s 5-part pep talk for YOU (not about ME) ((a little about ME))
As an expert on the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which I’ve never fully attended,* I am honored to write this definitive pre-fringe pep talk.
*Disclaimer: in 2018, I snuck over and did 5 free shows and got as many blowjobs.
As the Fringe countdown reaches single day digits, and everyone’s resting heart rate reaches triple digits, let’s take a moment to collectively breathe.
In.
Out.
In.
Hold.
Hold.
Die.
Be reborn.
Assuming you’re also a neurotic, chaotic mess with depressive tendencies putting the final (or first**) touches…
“in this competitive media lanscape, we must focus on what makes us unique.”
Team,
I didn’t get into journalism to fire people. I got into journalism to speak truth to power, empower marginalized voices, and write the first draft of history.
Journalism is an art, but it is also a business. As CEO of Integrity, my email today is business.
As of this morning, the below teams have been terminated:
The below teams remain unaffected:
The above…
A variety of poems I wrote for the L train when I thought it was going to die
“8” (Limerick)
The L train sure was dandy
For us it came in handy
But it needed a break
Which we’ll let it take
Cause of wear from Hurricane Sandy
“6” (Haiku)
A 15 month nap
A bit of rest — wait what’s that
15 more months, Mom
“14th Street, Union Square” (Epic)
The Workers lifted their tools and their spirits higher,
To unearth the dampened riverbed and place rings of casted iron. …
Comedian & Writer. Words in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Popula, The Huffington Post and disorganized Google Docs