Why It’s Essential to Break-Up Often
I was inspired to write this article after seeing the beautiful pic you see above! Just look at that! How amazing is it! The photographer perfectly portrayed the Sweet Emptiness of Solitude.
Next, look at the picture below! Another beauty right there! It shows powerfully the spaciousness, the expansiveness and peace I feel when I am alone in Nature!
The past few weeks, I’ve been spending a whole lot of time almost every day alone in Nature, climbing trees, communing with the trees, the lake, the ducks, the earth, the grass, the sun, and the sky. And it’s been so deeply soothing, healing, sustaining, restorative, uplifting and maximizing!
I am reminded of why it’s to vital to have solitude often and take breaks for yourself, even within an intimate relationship. That is, Consciously and Purposefully ‘break-up’, so that you don’t have to unconsciously and painfully break-up for reals!
Spend time away from the relationship.
Here are the benefits of my time in solitude in Nature:
- Healing: I’ve been using a combination of Breakthrough Awakening and the Nature Process to heal myself of past emotional trauma and subconscious negative programming.
- Sustaining and Restorative: Being in Nature helps me fill myself up and let go into the freedom of Being. I let myself be filled-up by the trees, the sunlight, the lake, the water-fowl, the grass and the earth. When I walk barefoot on the grass, the earth helps me feel more grounded and more present. When I dangle myself spread eagle, belly flat, on a tree branch, I release emotional pain, and feel soothed, as I fully surrender to the part of me that is free. When I sit by the lake and watch the light play on the water and the pine-cones, I feel a mysterious energy enter my body and bring me so much joy, unexplainable! Same thing when I hug a tree!
- Uplifting and Maximizing: When I climb a tree, I overcome my fears and I awaken some of my 54 senses. For example, the first time I climbed the tree, I was afraid. I did not think I had the strength. But because I had spiritually and emotionally connected with the tree first, I felt the tree say: “It’s not about strength. It’s about flexibility, awareness and presence. Use your sense of connection, your sense of movement and your sense of space.” And because there is so much space in Nature, I feel more spacious, expansive and grand! The two pictures above perfectly portray that too! I also receive Creative Inspirations and Breakthrough Realizations from being in Nature. I literally become a new person every day, in a sense. This brings up the next topic of why some people need to break-up. And before you read that section, watch this video on your 54 senses. Yes, you have way more than 5! Bet you didn’t know that, did you?
Why Some People Need to Unconsciously Break-Up
Maybe one big reason why some people break-up is because they were not given enough space to be themselves, which has two damaging consequences:
1. One person (or both) feels smothered.
2. The one who is doing the smothering actually loses desire for the other because you need space to actually desire somebody.
This is because when we desire somebody, it’s partly because they are different from us, at least in some ways. We don’t desire somebody who is already like us.
We need that space for that individual unique growth to happen, the kind of growth that creates the difference from us that we desire.
When we get close to somebody, we love them more but we trade-off desire.
Watch this video for more understanding on this:
Or if you don’t have time to watch the entire TED talk, watch this 2-minute summary:
Two Damaging Myths of Intimate Relationships.
In “The Future of Love” by Daphne Rose Kingma, she talks about the four myths of Intimate Relationships. For the purposes of this article, I will focus on just two of them:
- Living under the same roof.
- Seeing each other every day
In the book, she reveals one powerful story of a couple who only see each other once a year because they are so committed to their Mission and their Vision of the more beautiful world our Hearts know is possible.
And yet, when they do see each other, it is one of the most passionate fulfilling connections ever because their expansive Agape Love for the world fuels their Erotic Love for each other.
And that Erotic Love in turn powers their Mission in Life!
What We Really Desire from an Intimate Relationship
Here is the thing: All we’ve ever wanted from each other (and ourselves) ultimately is to share beautiful emotions with each other.
That is at the root of our Desire.
That is Desire in its purest form.
We just want to feel good.
How that looks could take the form of sex, friendships, touch, hugs, kisses, silence, anything at all.
It is our attachment to a particular form and to how long that form lasts that creates so much suffering.
Do you realize you could feel so much joy merely from somebody’s very presence alone if we’re open to receiving it?
Just…
let go
Just…
let go
let go
into the freedom of Being!
Just…
let
go!
What I learned from the Pan-Eurythmics Group Dance At Questhaven
We need space to fill ourselves up.
For example, I once went to a group dance up in the mountains of the Questhaven retreat center. It involved partnering up with a partner in a circle, doing some movement activity with them, and then moving on to another partner in a circle.
My favorite movement involved facing each other and then turning away from each other, and then facing the Sky, the Sun, the Mountains, the trees and spreading our arms towards Nature. And then facing each other again and spreading our arms towards each other.
I thought that was such a beautiful metaphor for how to be in relationship.
Take regular breaks from each other. Be in Nature. Fill yourself up in your solitude so that you actually have something to give to each other when you’re with each other. And then use the energy of your relationship to go back out into the world, and bless the world with your love.
Make sure that the world is a better place because you’re together.
And the world includes both of you!
An Important Benefit of Solitude
Done right, one important benefit of solitude in Nature is also that it gets you back in touch with your True Self, free from your childhood programming and socio-cultural programming.
This is extremely useful if you’re in a relationship that is feeling more like two wound-mates came together or if you feel unsatisfied in any way. I talk about this in more detail in my article on “Why Most Relationships Fail”.
How to Utilize Your Time in Solitude.
- I recommend any embodiment practice such as yoga, tai-chi and Uzazu, the mind-body movement practice I do every day that helps you embody any way of being you wish to embody.
- I recommend any practice to quiet your mind, such as meditation or any of the alternatives in the following videos:
3. Most importantly, surrender to the creative resourceful part of you every day and start drawing, doodling, dancing, moving, singing, playing music, spreading random acts of kindness to strangers, etc. For more info on this, read my article on my surrender experiment and also my article on the true source of fulfillment. And follow my surrender experiment here. Creativity as a daily practice is a crucial complement to meditation!
Also see the picture below for other practices you can do in your solitude:
Finally, watch my videos below:
Why it’s important to have a wide open heart and a big tall fucking fence around it
How to Embody Both Self-Sufficient Abundance and Conection:
About the Author Kundan Chhabra:
Kundan Chhabra provides Emotional Alchemy, which is the art of transforming your Emotional Pain into fuel for your Passion and Life Purpose
He does this via “Breakthrough Awakening”, the ground-breaking Consciousness Technology he invented. He created this technology after making the incredible discovery that there are actually 6 Levels of Knowing Yourself.
He also created the revolutionary relationship model that he calls “the Museship”.
It was his own pain and struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and bad relationships that led him to these discoveries and inventions.
He also created the course, “7 Keys to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships”, published on the DailyOm platform, which has 1.2 million subscribers.
Kundan also recently started a project called “My Surrender Experiment: 30 Days of Surrender: Creativity in Service of Life!”.
He is teaching a workshop on September 13th, 2015 in Irvine on “How to Get Over Bad Boys, Nice Guys and Female Drama”
He is committed to fully living his Heart-Virtue of “Divinity, Awakening and Sovereignty”.
He also helps you unlock your Heart-Virtue, which is the Unique Energy Signature of your Heart, your Heart-Print, what you were born for and what you’re willing to die for. It’s therefore the one thing that is completely non-negotiable and completely unavailable to manipulation. It is also what gives you the deepest level of fulfillment and the kind of moments that is described in the following video. The power of knowing your Heart-Virtue is that these beautiful moments don’t have to be accidents any more: you can build your life around it!
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