India Pale Ales (IPAs) are bad

When I was twenty-four, I used to think an IPA was a “cool” beer to order because it tasted “complex” and…

Pickles are The Bad Food

Look at this thing. Just look at it. This is a thing people claim is “good.” They seem to enjoy that sour, wet…

Cheap Iced Tea: The Only Good Drink

Prices, generally speaking are contentious subjects. People get very mad when prices go up. Uber…

Xochitl tortilla chips are the worst

Xochitl-brand tortilla chips are self-evidently the worst tortilla chips good money can buy…

The Most Common Home Bartending Mistake

Ever made a Manhattan or martini at home and were all “Damn, why isn’t this as good as…

Get Whitefish On Your Bagel

Nothing else will do.

10 Thoughts on Crackers

1. A Triscuit® is not a bad cracker by any stretch of the imagination. Master spreading cheese on one without breaking…

Biscuits are Bad

Biscuits are bad. Settle down, British people, I’m not talking about cookies. I mean American-style biscuits, the bland doughy lumps of crap you’re supposed to “enjoy” with your awful flour-paste “sawmill gravy.” The dry crumbly garbage-bread that disintegrates if you attempt to so much as butter…

Actually, Duane Reade sushi is good.

Having a physical body is terrible. It is a machine that only gets worse, if it was even any…

Dear New York Restaurants: Your Tables are Too Small