5 Ways To Make Sexual Initiation Easier in Your Relationship

Jumpstart romance, initiation, and foreplay.

Christopher Kokoski
Heart Affairs
Published in
5 min readOct 20, 2022

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Close up of couple’s face with bright blue eyes — 5 Ways To Make Sexual Initiation Easier in Your Relationship
Image by Author via Jasper Art and Canva

If you want to keep the romance alive in your relationship, it’s important to encourage sexual initiation.

When I say “sexual initiation,” I mean prompting your partner to start foreplaying. I mean letting them know you are in the mood, that you are ready and open to their sexual advances, and that you are down for pound town.

Here are five ways to do just that.

1) Be Flirty

One way to encourage your partner to initiate more is to be flirty with them.

This doesn’t mean you have to be all over them all the time, but a little playful banter can go a long way.

“If you don’t flirt, you’re probably dead inside.” — Katharine Towne

When you’re being flirty, you’re letting your partner know that you’re still attracted to them and that you enjoy spending time with them. This can be a great way to get the ball rolling on some romance.

2) Be More Obvious Than You Think

Sometimes, we assume our partners know how we feel without us having to say it outright. But this isn’t always the case.

If you want your partner to initiate more, try being more obvious about what you want.

You don’t necessarily need to spell it out for them step-by-step, but dropping a few hints here and there can let them know that you’re in the mood for some romance.

And once they get the hint, they may just take things from there.

3) The Romantic Lamp

This is a great way to encourage romantic initiation without putting any pressure on either of you.

Simply put a lamp or candle in a place where it can be easily seen by both of you. When either of you wants some romance, all you have to do is turn on the lamp or light the candle.

This cue will let your partner know that they’re welcome to initiate.

And since there’s no pressure or expectations attached to it, it should take any awkwardness out of the equation.

4) Come Up With Romantic Cues Together

If you want to make things even easier on your partner, try coming up with romantic cues together.

This way, there’s no guessing involved and both of you will know exactly when it’s time for some romance. These cues can be anything from a certain song playing on the radio to seeing a certain type of car driving by outside.

Once you’ve come up with some cues that work for both of you, simply agree to start paying attention to them whenever they pop up.

Then, when one of you notices one of these cues, they can take it as their cue to initiate some romance.

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever”―Nicholas Sparks

5) Realize that One of You Will Initiate More Often

In any relationship, there will usually be one person who initiates more often than the other.

And that’s okay!

Just because one person is usually the one to initiate doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate or desire their partner.

So, if you find yourself being the one who always has to initiate, don’t get discouraged — just keep doing it and know that your efforts are appreciated even if they don’t always result in immediate reciprocation.

At the same time, research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows higher sexual satisfaction in relationships where the couple initiates equally.

And, in heterosexual couples, where the woman initiates at least some of the time.

Therefore, it behooves couples to share sexual initiation.

Why Sexual Initiation Matters

When it comes to romantic relationships, initiation is everything.

The simple act of initiating contact, whether it be through a text, phone call, or in person, is crucial to keeping the spark alive.

If one partner consistently initiates while the other partner remains passive, it can breed resentment and insecurity. The initiator may feel like they are always the one doing the work, while simultaneously feeling undesired and unimportant.

This dynamic can quickly damage a romantic connection.

If both partners are equally invested in keeping the relationship strong, they will need to make a conscious effort to keep the fire burning.

This means taking turns initiating contact, planning dates, and being creative in finding new ways to keep each other interested. It takes work to maintain a healthy relationship, but it’s worth it when you consider what’s at stake.

After all, what could be more important than love?

“If I am to be fallen into love, I will. And if as a result I will appear to be stupid, disillusioned, and of poor judgment, I will. And I would be damned if I cared what other people think. For I would rather be thought of as all of these things, than not love. If in loving, I become the naked woman on the horse, I will ride that horse with my head held high. This is my spirit. I am unbreakable.”―C. JoyBell C.

Final Thoughts

By following these tips, you should be able to encourage your partner to initiate more often without putting any pressure on them or making them feel uncomfortable.

Just remember that everyone is different and what works for one couple might not work for another.

The most important thing is just communicating with each other and being open to trying new things until you find something that works well for both of you.

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Christopher Kokoski
Heart Affairs

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