Humor Words and Comedy Garbage

24 Millennial Op-Ed Pitches That Will Make Me The Cultural Critic of Our Time, I Imagine

‘Air And Water Show’ Meant Peeing Outside, Local Girlfriend Reports

Wacky Holi-DAZE Episode 3: More Herbs, Less Salt Day

Yet more of the truly unhinged garbage I put in my company newsletter!

Leave it to those holiday-making tyrants to try to dictate how to live our lives. I got news for you, Mr. Holiday-Making Tyrant! Though you…

My Rejected Pitches for Event Comics

The ideas the Big Two were too scared to use.

Dysphoria Wars

After regaining control of his body from Dr. Octopus and reverting to human form after harnessing the infinite power of the…

Things Said To Me When I Mentioned My Being Published In McSweeney’s

1. What’s that?

2. Is this in print, or…?

3. Is this the internet version of that magazine for assholes?

PEACE: WRITE CLUB chapter 69, 4/21/2015

My victorious essay for Chicago live lit juggernaut WRITE CLUB

I wrote this for my debut performance in WRITE CLUB, a goddamn riotous and life-validating live lit show that singlehandedly makes…

How I Learned The Secret of Branding From Next-Level Product Design UI: The Ultimate Medium Story

Happy Valentine’s Day from David Foster Wallace

Be mine¹, Valentine².

¹ As much as one can intend such a thing without summoning the nauseatingly unpleasant implications inextricably wormed into the idea of owning another person (which is problematic…

8 Sweet-Ass Pancakes You Need To Own

Round out your collection with these eight essentials.