Write under the influence

A sober writer is a pretentious writer

Breaking Wind and Pride

It Happened to Me

So I farted in yoga. I did it, it happened. Anyone who has ever done yoga has feared this moment. I’d even bet that anyone who’s even thought about trying yoga has thought about it, and feared it.

My First Kiss Was A Goddamn Fairytale

I was almost fifteen, and my parents decided to take my sister and I on a cruise. Now, at fourteen-and-a-half I still had braces, I still didn’t have contacts, and I’m not totally positive that my mom was letting me shave my legs or armpits yet.

My Fugly Little Fur Coat and How I Became a Faux Euro Femme

His Look, My Look

On our second date I showed up to dinner in a tan, sleeveless, pants jumper that I bought in Berlin.

I Love the World’s Most Hated Shoe: My UGGstential Crisis

No Puffy Coats in Paris

…absolument pas

What Love Will Cost You

Words of caution to those considering spending any length of forever with me

Love will cost you errant long strands of black hair on everything you hold dear: clogging the shower drain, on your clean clothes…

Are you a Man Repeller?

Submit your story — we’ll be the judge

When Baby Hits the Bottle, So Does Daddy

I thought I’d go dry when I had kids. I was wrong